Discussion i hate my emotions

[ScaredCutter]

I hate being so reactive, so sensitive, so overdramatic and what not. i just want to express happiness and love but all this anger, sadness and jealousy builds up and covers it so im only able to express that. i know i can love and be happy but these other feelings just overshaodw it and its so unfair.

i hate that i cant look at a situation like a normal person, why do i have to feel jealous and angry over it? its not like im apart of whats happening, but all my mind does is constantly imagine whats happening, whats being said and such and i believe something much horrible is going on. ive tried just veiwing things as, "theres nothing bad going on, its fine because (reason, xyz)" but, that never works.

i also hate how i will just cry over feeling like im being left out, replaced or forgotten like as if its happening when theres NOTHING going on. im just so dramatic and cant see things as how it really is, i make up these false narratives and stick to them so much that it affects my relationship, i cant even hide it all that well because it bothers me so much.

i dont even understand why i think like this or react this way. i dont even know why in my head, i start making up lies and end up believing so much because i dont know whats actually going on. i try to not poke my nose in things im not supposed to but these stupid fucking narratives make me feel like i need to. im constantly breaking boundariea because of how stupid i am.

i wish i was normal bruh. i dont even understand this myself.

ill try to add on more if i can remember other situations.

 

[AtreusMacabre]

You are able to articulate them well. I aim to develop a closed-loop brain-computer interface for real-time control of emotions at will. Understand, Regulate, Control, Transcend.

But until then the best way I know to stay in control and maintain objectivity is to correctly identify and detach the emotions from the cognitions which might play in my head like a movie, with no emotional content whatsoever, and whose truth I can rationally evaluate. Expressing them out loud while you experience them helps too.

It's hard, but it's the best we have for now. They're fickle, illusory, distressful, transient. They suck. But they are supposed to contain some sort of valuable signals that wish to be understood by you, taken apart and analyzed to change whatever it is that you need to change- write, speak, record, experiment, just do not lose hope.

I am learning too. So I might be wrong or naive about some of that stuff. But I hope it gets better.

 

[ScaredCutter]

im always repeating myself but, i only understand half of why i hate my bfs friends. i hate their banter, i hate those friends because of how they made me feel, i hate seeing them online, i despie knowing they are around.

https://sanctionedsuicide.site/threads/hate-jealousy-and-being-envy.223041/

i always compare them to a past situation becaise i believe itll happen again. i cant even trust the people he likes playing with. but, no matter how many times im reminded and anything else, i keep thinking and feeling the same way.

i honestly hate myself.

i used to be semi attatched to some old friends i had, i hated how they invited people in, i felt usually left out and sad/angry but i only expressed the feeling of loneliness because id just avoid them.

im so immature man.

 

[ScaredCutter]

i used to have pretty bad anger issues (idk if id call it that cuz i just see myself as an asshole) but, i used to throw things in anger because of being pushed to my limits, id hit myself, maybe bite myself or even break something (nothing thats rlly valuable). i used to yell extremely loud, at the top of my lungs until my voice would go faint, i used to threaten things too.

though, all of it has calmed down to an extent but, i still hit myself in anger, pull at my face, yank my hair, have suicidal thoughts from whats making me really upset, be avoidant/mute to whoever is pissing me off. i only yell when i feel like im not being heard or that i have to repeat something ive said countless times.

my expression of anger usually came from what my dad says to me because it always feels like hes trying to attack me for who i am as a person. sometimes i can get into an argument with people and ill become furious and say extremely harmful things to others but, ive managed to control myself and not do those. when something happens between someone close to me, i usually try to express the anger by throwing it onto others (strangers online) or, if i mess up on something id just get really mad and take it on myself.

my younger brother pisses me off so bad, i hate him and cant handle him. i hate hearing him in any sort of way, i hate knowing hes in the same house. i hate it that he wont shut up. i have urges because of how furious i feel towards him. we have both attacked eachother in some capcity but nothing life threatening, just minor injuries. but, i hate him so bad.

this is more on my relationship but, usually when an smth bad happens i start thinking "maybe i dont love him" and other things denying my feelings and it just makes me so miserable and angruy because, its not true. i wouldnt lkeave him, i wouldnt hate him, id keep on loving him forever. i hate how my brain will try to warp my thoughts and feelings on somebody who i hold so dearly and closely. i dont even know why it happens :(