Venting i hate how fat i look

[Decayed]

TW ED SH
even tho i'm not medically overweight i still look fat i have a double chin and stomach roll. i do everything i can to make myself skinny i don't eat,i smoke cigarettes i exercise when i can (i have chronic pain) i feel broken why do i look so fat if i do everything right to lose weight. i just want to take a knife and cut all the fat off of me. i find myself jealous of my friends with anorexia as they succeed in getting skinny and i can't i know that makes me a bad person but i can't help it. i just want to be skinny so people will love me again. i was skinny when i was a child but then i started stress eating in my teens so now i'm just a fatty fatso. i want to be skinny god why can't i just lose the weight

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I know this may not mean much coming from some random person online, but there's nothing wrong with not being skinny. I've met plenty of people with beautiful bodies that I'm jealous of and a lot of them aren't skinny. A lot of people who are skinny also have double chins too, especially if they have a round face, like me. Stomach rolls are perfectly normal and I've met very skinny people who still have them.

At the end of the day, even if you were skinny you'd probably end up finding something else to hate about your body. I used to be insecure about my waist size not being tiny when I was younger. It eventually shrunk over the course of puberty, but despite this I still hate my body. I still feel insecure about the way my body looks no matter what I do. My breast are mildly saggy, I have stretchmarks along my ass, hips, inner thighs, and behind my legs, and I have scarring around my lower legs from picking out the hairs there. Hell, I still feel like my waist isn't small enough, even though it's already small.

I started sending nudes of myself to men on some shitty app, and even their compliments didn't help my self-esteem. One of them even got me to do this weird video chat room group thing with other men and got me to go on to some weird masturabtion site thing (both of which made me uncomfortable, tbh) and even their comments and reactions didn't help. I still feel unattractive and unlovable.

The point is, even if you were skinny you'd probably just end up finding something else about your body to be insecure about. There's a good chance you'd probably still not feel skinny enough. It's a never-ending cycle. Your body probably isn't even as bad you think it is anyway and there are probably plenty of people who love it, whether you realize it or not.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

Oh boy do I relate. From a BMI standpoint I technically am not overweight but I still feel and look like I am. Alcohol reliance doesn't help. Especially with having a fat face. And nothing is worse than when people try to fetishize or try to make it seem like its not bad or pretend to like it. I know I'm gross. And hearing euphemistic terms like BBW thic curvy plump full figured literally make me want to vomit and are infantilizing. I know that being fat is unattractive. I don't think it makes it any better to play mind games and use this kind of language and pretend that its not gross

 

[dreamking]

Oh boy do I relate. From a BMI standpoint I technically am not overweight but I still feel and look like I am. Alcohol reliance doesn't help. Especially with having a fat face. And nothing is worse than when people try to fetishize or try to make it seem like its not bad or pretend to like it. I know I'm gross. And hearing euphemistic terms like BBW thic curvy plump full figured literally make me want to vomit and are infantilizing. I know that being fat is unattractive. I don't think it makes it any better to play mind games and use this kind of language and pretend that its not gross

Being fat is not 'unattractive' any more than being tall, blonde, or anything else. Please realize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and try not to spread fatphopia.

 

[divinemistress36]

I think other women who are bbw are beautiful but I dont like it on myself like @EvisceratedJester said even if you get skinner you would still find something else you dont like about yourself its a neverending cycle

 

[relapse]

I've been both medically underweight and overweight in the past and I can say from experience that there's never going to be a way to feel satisfied with yourself if anorexia is still in the picture. I'm 2 kg away from being underweight again and I still feel obese, I have to tell myself that objectively I'm not fat but it doesn't help. I can clearly see my chubby face, arms and stomach when I look in the mirror which makes me hate myself, and every remark whether it's positive or bad, as long as it's about my weight, makes me feel like people see me with eyes different from mine. They don't really see how disgusting I look.

even if you were skinny you'd probably just end up finding something else about your body to be insecure about. There's a good chance you'd probably still not feel skinny enough. It's a never-ending cycle.

Basically this. My self hatred has shifted from hating myself for being fat, to hating myself because I was thin in a way it was gross looking, then later again hating myself for not feeling thin enough, and so on. It doesn't really end unless you deal with the main problem which is the disorder, not the weight.