Venting i hate being trans.

[cubibibibism]

trans people commit suicide at an extremely disproportionate rate to cisgender people.

and i know why.

i've been in denial for years about being transgender, and that's caused me immense suffering. anxiety, depressing, social burnout, you name it. i've been self-harming since the age of 12. i hate looking in the mirror.

my binder that i've gotten recently doesn't help. my brother tells me i still look like a girl. he still laughs at me. my mother thinks my desire for HRT is impulsive when in reality i've been questioning my gender and feeling dysphoric for over 5 years.

i'm old enough to start HRT myself. i know. but i don't want to risk family judgement. it's a constant fucking battle. and so whenever i speak, whenever i look in the mirror, whenever my hair looks even slightly off, i just feel like death.

how can anyone live like this? i feel like it'd be easier to just CTB at this point.

as i type this, cuts lining my stomach and thighs are stinging. that's how i feel anything these days, as cliche as it sounds.

i'm so, so tired. i'm an atheist, but God, please. please just fucking take me already.

 

[unluckysadness]

This is so sad. I hope you'll find peace wathever you decide.

 

[noflawless]

Pessoas trans cometem suicídio em uma taxa extremamente desproporcional em comparação com pessoas cisgênero.

E eu sei porquê.

Tenho negado por anos o fato de ser transgênero, e isso me causou imenso sofrimento. Ansiedade, depressão, esgotamento social, tudo o que você possa imaginar. Me automutilo desde os 12 anos. Odeio me olhar no espelho.

O binder que comprei recentemente não ajuda. Meu irmão diz que ainda pareço uma menina. Ele ainda ri de mim. Minha mãe acha que meu desejo por terapia hormonal é impulsivo, quando na verdade venho questionando meu gênero e sentindo disforia há mais de 5 anos.

Eu tenho idade suficiente para começar a terapia hormonal sozinha. Eu sei. Mas não quero arriscar o julgamento da minha família. É uma batalha constante. E então, sempre que falo, sempre que me olho no espelho, sempre que meu cabelo está minimamente estranho, eu me sinto péssima.

Como alguém consegue viver assim? Acho que seria mais fácil simplesmente desistir da minha vida agora.

Enquanto digito isso, os cortes na minha barriga e coxas estão ardendo. É assim que sinto tudo ultimamente, por mais clichê que pareça.

Estou tão, tão cansado. Sou ateu, mas Deus, por favor. Por favor, me leve logo.

Você gostaria de conversar sobre isso?

 

[absentis]

I just stopped HRT after three years due to social pressure and changes in my system (I have DID). I've always understood the suicide statistic but now I really get it.

 

[mr-ant-tennas]

I'm trans as well, am on HRT. Sometimes it never gets better.

 

[EmptyBottle]

I find it frustrating how others can be harmful at times... consider spending time talking to people who are more supportive whenever possible. I've even used AI when ppl irl and (sometimes online) aren't helpful... tho ppl here may be able to help.

 

[theangelswept]

You should honestly go do hrt. Your family judges you anyways... just get your script and try it. If its too much and if it makes life that much harder you can just stop. Worth a try.

 

[gunmetalblue]

Someone I cared for who was successful in their ctb and was trans told me that they didn't regret starting hrt despite everything.
"If I'm going to die anyway, what did I have to lose. Nothing is more precious then my life which I don't even want".