nobeertonight
Don't listen to me, I am drunk
- Mar 30, 2025
- 57
Don't even know why I'm posting this here, it has nothing to do with my suicidality.
I met this sex worker some time ago, she has a whole punk style going on, our encounter was probably the best experience I've ever had, she was very sweet and funny, we also share some music tastes and she put on foo fighters when we had to say goodbye, in the end she said something like "I really like you" before I had to go. Most sex workers I've been with are kind but never this much, she kept hugging me and kissing me all the way up to the door, and I know this is probably her way of doing a good job and there's probably nothing else under it but still it kinda got to me.
I've never had a gf, some crushes here and there but they all went really badly, I'm not ugly, actually I consider myself pretty good looking, I workout a lot and I am very fit, tall, have a good face even though I went through some periods of uncaring. I could probably do some cold approaches and be successful but I don't really want to, I don't want occasional, I want stable and I feel like I don't want to put on a stranger the baggage of my issues, which are a lot to contend with and grow every day. This makes me feel unlovable in a way, but I still crave that more than anything. And in a way I've been extraniated by the world of love, and I've lost so many experiences, it hurts that I will never get them back in this life. For a moment there I had this illusion that if I told her about my pain she would care even a bit. It's eerie how starved people fall for anything really, I know some people end up ruining their life by throwing money at these fantasies, I luckily don't have money to throw, but still.
It's almost a joke how every time I fall for someone it's always someone I can't do nothing about. I tried asking her some questions on instagram but of course I shouldn't fall for the game of para social relationships and I will probably leave her alone. Dreams like that exacerbate even more the heartbreak, you wake up feeling like you've just been through the most intense encounter of your life and you only want to go back and breathe her air again, and this shit happens to me so often with people I can't possibly have relationships with, engaged coworkers, other people's girlfriends, distant people and so on...
Anyway she's not coming to south italy anymore anytime so she's lost to me and I'm kind of heartbroken in a very irrational way, but this is for the best probably, still hurts.
I met this sex worker some time ago, she has a whole punk style going on, our encounter was probably the best experience I've ever had, she was very sweet and funny, we also share some music tastes and she put on foo fighters when we had to say goodbye, in the end she said something like "I really like you" before I had to go. Most sex workers I've been with are kind but never this much, she kept hugging me and kissing me all the way up to the door, and I know this is probably her way of doing a good job and there's probably nothing else under it but still it kinda got to me.
I've never had a gf, some crushes here and there but they all went really badly, I'm not ugly, actually I consider myself pretty good looking, I workout a lot and I am very fit, tall, have a good face even though I went through some periods of uncaring. I could probably do some cold approaches and be successful but I don't really want to, I don't want occasional, I want stable and I feel like I don't want to put on a stranger the baggage of my issues, which are a lot to contend with and grow every day. This makes me feel unlovable in a way, but I still crave that more than anything. And in a way I've been extraniated by the world of love, and I've lost so many experiences, it hurts that I will never get them back in this life. For a moment there I had this illusion that if I told her about my pain she would care even a bit. It's eerie how starved people fall for anything really, I know some people end up ruining their life by throwing money at these fantasies, I luckily don't have money to throw, but still.
It's almost a joke how every time I fall for someone it's always someone I can't do nothing about. I tried asking her some questions on instagram but of course I shouldn't fall for the game of para social relationships and I will probably leave her alone. Dreams like that exacerbate even more the heartbreak, you wake up feeling like you've just been through the most intense encounter of your life and you only want to go back and breathe her air again, and this shit happens to me so often with people I can't possibly have relationships with, engaged coworkers, other people's girlfriends, distant people and so on...
Anyway she's not coming to south italy anymore anytime so she's lost to me and I'm kind of heartbroken in a very irrational way, but this is for the best probably, still hurts.
