i... got it?

[specklenought]

wow it feels unreal. My SN arrived today. I legit wasn't expecting it. I wasn't even at home the person i live with picked it up by chance. They didn't even question it, just casually left it on the table for me when I arrived home. I always have weird things arrive for me because of my work so I guess that's probably why. I placed the order yesterday and I just didn't expect it so soon.

I need to get everything else prepared. I just feel backed into a corner, everything is so painful lately. I can barely speak. I cried walking to my friends house for dinner looking at the world around me because I know that this is it. I'm gonna leave this place soon. I always thought it was weird people said goodbye to others before they died, that they felt elated. I told my therapist I would never say goodbye. But... I kind of get it. I texted so many people just checking in on them today. telling them that they were loved and I'm so sappy normally that it legit didn't register. I just want everyone I've ever cared about to know they will be okay without me. I don't want to manipulate anyone anymore, i don't want to second guess my actions. Things are just too painful for me because that's how I experience the world and it's no ones fault.

I might not do it yet. I might wait and see, and catch my breath and make sure it's right. But to know there's a way out? Fucking unreal.

 

[Seiniar]

I didn't feel anything when I received my SN today but I felt kinda relieved when I placed the order.
It's nice you want to tell everyone personally you love them and that it's not their fault. I just wrote it in my very brief letter. I don't know why. Maybe I don't have that many people to tell.
Take your time. The most important thing for you to know is you don't deserve to suffer.

 

[specklenought]

I just wrote it in my very brief letter. I don't know why. Maybe I don't have that many people to tell.

I personally don't want to write a letter, I feel like if I do idk it's like writing a thesis dedication... who do you acknowledge? who do you say thank you or I'm sorry to? There are always going to be loose ends. I'm avoiding saying it outright, just making sure I'm super attentive and present with them in these last couple of encounters. I know it'll never be enough. From the people who have CTB in my life, i know those moments never keep you afloat. I can't expect mine to either. Thank u for writing such a nice message btw

 

[Nymph]

Ey congrats!

 

[Umbrellaterm]

But to know there's a way out? Fucking unreal.

There's gonna be a way out whether you want it or not.

 

[sadworld]

Hey, nice to hear! I hope everything works out for you!! Sending hugs