I gambled my way to this and now it has to happen today

[Hecubaa]

I got on an involuntary hold again over a small tantrum and this time it broke me. I self harmed because I was upset over something small and next thing I know my roommate called the cops and I was in handcuffs. And this time I was utterly alone. And I still stayed calm. And that I think was the sign for me. The sign I'm ready. I'm dead inside enough to not be scared. I came home to find out she moved out. So I took a gamble. I told my new favorite person (borderline girlies -- hey there) that I will seek help and fix my life if he showed up today. He said no. I have to respect the gamble. I told myself that if the answer is no, I have to die tonight. So, any methods I can use that would work than I can put together in a few hours? I tried to get help one last time and it didn't work. I'm very confident in this. I've been suicidal for half my life. It's time.

 

[Namelesa]

Its not allowed for other members to recommend methods. You will have to figure it out on your own by looking at the resource pinned thread and searching as ctb is an important decision that only you should make.