I feel that I have the emotionless face of a sociopath. How do I overcome this?

[V0latile]

I'm always anxious all the time. When I interact with others, I know they feel on edge and afraid. I also feel it's partly due to my lack of emoting. The only emotions my face conveys are gloom or worry. I try and smile like others do in conversations, but it's always painful to fake it. It literally hurts my face to fake a smile and plunges me deeper into depression.

This constant stoic face makes me afraid to engage others even when it's necessary. It was so hard finding another place to rent a room because I felt like a big phony trying to come across as outgoing and friendly. I've just been through a lot of terrible things and am broken, but I don't want to be.

 

[Final Escape]

You could start to record yourself in videos talking about what u think and feel. Like just start talking even if it's difficult and uncomfortable at first. Something happens when u see yourself making a vlog on a video like on the computer or into your phone. You begin to see how u come across to other people and u begin to have compassion for yourself. It might help, it increased my confidence the more I did this. I had put some vids on YouTube but u don't have to put them on there. U can just make them for u. You have to practice this like regularly though to improve.

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

@V0latile ; sorry for the waffle to follow ... I'm vearing off into my personal preoccupations ...

I can relate . I got a "You should smile more," recently ( well , last year ... but thats recent on my social schedule.

An old ex-freind told me years ago that he used to think I was cool how unreactive I was ... until he realized it was because I was closed down .
He was right , but he wasn't the most nurturing of folk ... ( we competed rather than collaborated )

Final Escape's suggestion sounds helpful .

A thing I've mentioned here before ( profound thought incoming ) , well a variation .... is
the nuanced nature of 'expression' .

Do we get confused about the fake / genuine nature of interacting ?

I know I have ... the thought is in relation to being taught drama or theatre as a kid .
Is this where people are , almost literally , taught how to 'behave' ?
I never was ... but I did salesman school at my cult as a kid , so that blew genuine expression out of the water .

I can't disguise ( or not yet ) my neutral / negative / indifferent response to folk - and it has been a problem when
people are expecting a positive response .

Maybe it's a case of being compassionate to others by 'summoning up ' some Universal Love stuff ( going woo woo)
and tapping into 'the great beyond cosmic love battery ' and channeling that , for THEIR benefit ?

It might seem dishonest , but everyone deserves 'the love ' , I guess ... and :

"Unconditional Positive Regard " could possibly be a good survival strategy to try and foster rather than
"The bleakness" (my normal aspect to the universe).

Sorry to waffle on ... but this has been on my mind for a while , as I have been dabbling in Buddhist audio book therapy .

It seems like a leap of faith to opt for the whole "Eternal Love cosmic positive acceptance etc etc " aspect
rather than the 'darkness' .

Where I am at , at the moment ,is thinking "well , I don't really think it's the case , but it might make sense to
opt for trying to be on side with an ultimately positive buzz , even if it's fiction ... because most cultural stuff
is made up anyway ... so why not vote for the fluffiest bunny ? "

I've come across the idea that some people are kind of not even 'with themselves' in that they are that detached
from the 'self' . I don't really know what that is ... but it feels like me ... so it seems difficult to really BE with others when one
isn't actually with oneself to start with . Like coming from 'no where ' .

I'm not being hopelessly doom laden with this because it feels like i am just starting to maybe put a model of this shit together in my head
and maybe kick in some positive changes "

The whole " Wishing loving kindness to you" Buddhist mantra seems so nice ... and maybe after a while it would be a thing ?

edit to add : Jesus I'm a fuckin' bible salesman lifer ... fuck . Can I sell you a spiritual path ?
- blame it on my childhood . ( I've got to buy it myself first , ffs ! )