Venting I feel so worthless compared to other people

[nintendo64]

Every time it's a rare occasion where I'm around normal people, it just makes me want to go home and immediately ctb.

Everyone is out living their lives and happy, having relationships and careers and stories to tell, meanwhile depression has taken everything I could've had. Everything just makes me miserable, having a job, not having a job. Whenever I try and get into a relationship it always just fizzles out because I honestly desire nothing out of life except for death. I'm just not interested in anyone, being around people exhausts me. I'm autistic too so I never have had any clue how to read social cues or interact normally.

I feel absolutely pathetic just sitting in silence thinking about killing myself while everyone else is talking and having fun. I can't even hold a conversation with anyone online or irl, I'm so painfully boring because I don't do anything and I have no idea how to talk to people. I'm so tired of being a failure at literally everything I just want to die already. I feel like such a waste of oxygen, the world would be better off without me around to make things awkward.

 

[kuroshimi]

Can relate in some way.

Most people around me seems to just enjoy life and simply pursue their goals. Everyone just having fun, when I think about how miserable am I every day. I think I am broken. I don't do anything, because I can't find the strength to.

I am also pretty sure that I'm autistic, but I wasn't diagnosed yet. This may explain my strange behavior and my struggles with interactions.

I shouldn't exist.