Venting I feel so unseen and disrespected that I fantasize about killing myself in front of everyone

[mya_]

Well I can't believe things have gotten so bad lmao. I started in this site because my brother killed himself and look where we're at. I understand him better than ever, that's true. But I'm also more inconsiderate because I'd like people to see my suffering and me ending it (just a fantasy tho).
Like, I try to make art and make a career out of it, try to enjoy life and make plans, and NOBODY GIVES A FUCK. They only care when you tell them that you have plans and hopes, but only because that takes away the responsibility to make you feel better. They do not support the actual project nor want to hang out with you because they have other things to do. And that's only for the few people that I know, because I try to post on social media and nobody gives a fuck either. I've talk to my therapist and she's like, what do you lose for trying? Well, I lose my fucking mental health and my will to live. It's so easy to say "just try!" when you don't actually have to do it and live with the constant confirmation that you don't matter at all. That all your efforts are going to the void. Even some guy laughed at me on TikTok because my video didn't have likes?? Wtf??? I'm so tired and sad idk what I'm going to do.

 

[mya_]

It's so ironic and funny that this gets unseen, universe really testing me out xddddd

 

[klantedklaw]

i saw ur post

Well I can't believe things have gotten so bad lmao. I started in this site because my brother killed himself and look where we're at. I understand him better than ever, that's true. But I'm also more inconsiderate because I'd like people to see my suffering and me ending it (just a fantasy tho).
Like, I try to make art and make a career out of it, try to enjoy life and make plans, and NOBODY GIVES A FUCK. They only care when you tell them that you have plans and hopes, but only because that takes away the responsibility to make you feel better. They do not support the actual project nor want to hang out with you because they have other things to do. And that's only for the few people that I know, because I try to post on social media and nobody gives a fuck either. I've talk to my therapist and she's like, what do you lose for trying? Well, I lose my fucking mental health and my will to live. It's so easy to say "just try!" when you don't actually have to do it and live with the constant confirmation that you don't matter at all. That all your efforts are going to the void. Even some guy laughed at me on TikTok because my video didn't have likes?? Wtf??? I'm so tired and sad idk what I'm going to do.

i'm the same as you, i cant rlly answer your question why this is the case as im looking for the answer myself.

its not wrong to feel unwanted and unnoticed by others, it eats away at your self worth after a while. It feels frustrating because i tend to be rlly caring and considerate for others, yet i dont get the same back.

i want to believe there are others out there who care about you as much as you care abt them

 

[lysergamide]

Saw your post as well.
Happiness is a hard thing to reach especially in your field, I'd know, I'm surrounded by artists, only dated artists, my significant other is studying art, her father is in the field.
Anyway, I do some as well, but recreationally cause I was too afraid to venture in this field: I'm not that good and I don't know how to sell myself. I feel the art field is oversarurated and you need a lot of luck to make it you get me?
In any case I understand how that feels, I myself attempted in front of my coworkers cause I genuinely didn't give a shit at that point lmao

 

[mya_]

i saw ur post

i'm the same as you, i cant rlly answer your question why this is the case as im looking for the answer myself.

its not wrong to feel unwanted and unnoticed by others, it eats away at your self worth after a while. It feels frustrating because i tend to be rlly caring and considerate for others, yet i dont get the same back.

i want to believe there are others out there who care about you as much as you care abt them

I really feel the part of being super considerate with others and not receiving it back :( I hope we can find better people someday

Saw your post as well.
Happiness is a hard thing to reach especially in your field, I'd know, I'm surrounded by artists, only dated artists, my significant other is studying art, her father is in the field.
Anyway, I do some as well, but recreationally cause I was too afraid to venture in this field: I'm not that good and I don't know how to sell myself. I feel the art field is oversarurated and you need a lot of luck to make it you get me?
In any case I understand how that feels, I myself attempted in front of my coworkers cause I genuinely didn't give a shit at that point lmao

Yeah, getting a job in arts is really a matter of luck atp. Also I'm sorry that you got so bad that you attempted in front of your coworkers, can I ask how did they react? I'm always wondering about that :/

 

[lysergamide]

I really feel the part of being super considerate with others and not receiving it back :( I hope we can find better people someday

Yeah, getting a job in arts is really a matter of luck atp. Also I'm sorry that you got so bad that you attempted in front of your coworkers, can I ask how did they react? I'm always wondering about that :/

They didn't know at the time it was an attempt, I stumbled in the office and collapsed in front of them, oh they were all very scared I recall. I recall my manager's boss fetching me, she looked horrified with that red popping lipstick. They called for the emergencies as they were trying to sit my limp body on a chair, and trying to get me to talk and not fall asleep. Funny memories in hindsight, next time I'll do it alone tho, no need for the looney bin's divine intervention.