Venting I don't wanna be the beginning of a whole chain

[Tired_M]

I have some suicidal friends. I keep sending them some reassuring messages and thoughts to give them "hope" even though I don't even believe a single thing I'm saying to them (for my own case ofc).
Some people in my family are more or less depressed and some of them often talk about "wanting to be done with it".

No one around me decided to CTB before. I might be the first one. But I'm terrified of people I care about to do the same right after. I want to avoid that, but I just can't keep living anymore.

This is torturing me.

 

[Mich517]

I don't encourage you to suicide but if you want to think more of yourself.

 

[Tired_M]

I don't encourage you to suicide but if you want to think more of yourself.

Caring way too much about people (not necessarily people I'm close to, but people in general) is one of my biggest, if not my biggest, flaw. The biggest step I'll have to take to CTB is to be selfish, yeah.

 

[Mich517]

Caring way too much about people (not necessarily people I'm close to, but people in general) [... ]

Actually it's a good quality.

 

[Tired_M]

Ah, maybe in a world where people don't take advantage nor manipulate others...