cylus46
Member
- Jan 28, 2025
- 86
At every turn i make the wrong decision. I'm at a point in my life where I should be making choices for my future, career, and simply what I seek out of life. But no one knows how much of life I don't see, no one knows how much I HATE life as a whole.
I don't want to make it another year on this earth. Every chance I have had to set up a future for myself or better myself I don't take it because it scares me. The thought of living and the future scares me so anytime I have to make a decision relating to it...I just shut down and get defensive. My mother doesn't understand this, she thinks I'm a lazy POS who's ungrateful when in reality I just don't have any energy to leave my bed let alone go to work 60-80 hours a week like I have been non stop for 2 years since I graduated highschool.
I know something has to give...whether it's my will to live or my will not to. I wish I could tell my mother what's wrong with me but frankly, my whole life has been like this and I've had thoughts of ending it since I was a child. I have been fucked up for too long and now I have so many issues I physically can't put it into words anymore. I'm all around a failure of a son who has no future and hopefully no life life left to live.
I don't want to make it another year on this earth. Every chance I have had to set up a future for myself or better myself I don't take it because it scares me. The thought of living and the future scares me so anytime I have to make a decision relating to it...I just shut down and get defensive. My mother doesn't understand this, she thinks I'm a lazy POS who's ungrateful when in reality I just don't have any energy to leave my bed let alone go to work 60-80 hours a week like I have been non stop for 2 years since I graduated highschool.
I know something has to give...whether it's my will to live or my will not to. I wish I could tell my mother what's wrong with me but frankly, my whole life has been like this and I've had thoughts of ending it since I was a child. I have been fucked up for too long and now I have so many issues I physically can't put it into words anymore. I'm all around a failure of a son who has no future and hopefully no life life left to live.
