I don't know what to do 6/12

[JustDead]

I don't know what to fucking do. I can't deal with this feeling of wanting to die anymore. I'm so damn lonely, and that's what's slowly killing me. I admitted myself to the hospital this year for wanting to kill myself, and it didn't help at all. I tried doing dbt therapy but because I was late to an appointment they refused to see me for the remainder of the time and still charged me, so I said fuck that and didn't bother with any future sessions because it just felt like they didn't give a shit about me. Medication isn't doing jack for me. I'm miserable all the time and am currently resenting my parents because they make things so much harder for me. I'm unable to focus on my work because the thoughts are unbearable and it's hard to sit still. I already know the solution to my problem which is finding someone to love and who loves me back but I've been searching so hard and I've got nothing, just disappointment and lessons. All I want is for this mental anguish to stop but it's just getting worse. The only reason why I haven't done anything is because I know it'll get better but holy shit the present is unbearable to deal with. I do have people that reach out and support me but I still feel alone. I don't know what's going on. I feel like I've exhausted my options. Hell even my parents sorta gave up on me when they said they were no longer gonna pay for my therapy because they aren't seeing results. The only thing keeping me going is this wonderful job I have and my car. I want to get back into doing what I love which is drawing but I've been distracted to the max. I keep wanting to stop taking my medications because I feel like they're making things worse. Last year was better when I was on seroquel and duloxetine. Wasn't perfect but was better than this hell I've been dealing with for six months. Whenever I try stopping my medication I physically get sick and have to get back on it because the withdrawal is unbearable. I hate being dependent on something that isn't even helping.

 

[EternalShore]

I'm sorry dude. :( We here all need actual love in our lives. I think it's the thing everyone universally lacks here and a rarity to find anywhere nowadays. I pray to God it gets better for you and for myself too. :(

 

[Zegers]

I know it'll get better

How you know?

 

[LittleJem]

what meds are you on now? Is there any way to do a slow taper and switch again?

 

[Red.one]

Im new in here, just like you.
Can we talk like on zoom or smf? Pls?

 

[JustDead]

I'm sorry dude. :( We here all need actual love in our lives. I think it's the thing everyone universally lacks here and a rarity to find anywhere nowadays. I pray to God it gets better for you and for myself too. :(

Thanks man. And yeah I forget how common it's getting sadly. I changed medication so now I'm stable again but still irritated.

what meds are you on now? Is there any way to do a slow taper and switch again?

I'm on rexulti, duloxetine and remeron and it's been working really well surprisingly. Not suicidal atm but still irritated about life.

 

[onmywaytoshine]

I don't know what to fucking do. I can't deal with this feeling of wanting to die anymore. I'm so damn lonely, and that's what's slowly killing me. I admitted myself to the hospital this year for wanting to kill myself, and it didn't help at all. I tried doing dbt therapy but because I was late to an appointment they refused to see me for the remainder of the time and still charged me, so I said fuck that and didn't bother with any future sessions because it just felt like they didn't give a shit about me. Medication isn't doing jack for me. I'm miserable all the time and am currently resenting my parents because they make things so much harder for me. I'm unable to focus on my work because the thoughts are unbearable and it's hard to sit still. I already know the solution to my problem which is finding someone to love and who loves me back but I've been searching so hard and I've got nothing, just disappointment and lessons. All I want is for this mental anguish to stop but it's just getting worse. The only reason why I haven't done anything is because I know it'll get better but holy shit the present is unbearable to deal with. I do have people that reach out and support me but I still feel alone. I don't know what's going on. I feel like I've exhausted my options. Hell even my parents sorta gave up on me when they said they were no longer gonna pay for my therapy because they aren't seeing results. The only thing keeping me going is this wonderful job I have and my car. I want to get back into doing what I love which is drawing but I've been distracted to the max. I keep wanting to stop taking my medications because I feel like they're making things worse. Last year was better when I was on seroquel and duloxetine. Wasn't perfect but was better than this hell I've been dealing with for six months. Whenever I try stopping my medication I physically get sick and have to get back on it because the withdrawal is unbearable. I hate being dependent on something that isn't even helping.

I understand how u feel. Im sending u lots of hugs and i wish u better days. U re so strong.