I have generally become a smiley person to basically cover up how I'm truly feeling, and also because if I don't smile my mouth corners tilt down so I have a resting bitch face. And I don't mean I massively grin all day but when I catch someone's eye I just give that small, brief "hi" smile (hope you know what I am talking about). Anyhow, someone I work with said to me today about how I smile and it's apparently suspicious (I'd also just finished laughing at something someone else had said). I mean, what the hell. I have a complex about myself anyway never mind being called out for a damn act of kindness. I can't win because if I don't smile people think I'm moody (even if I'm not) and say stuff like "smile; life's not that bad" or "it doesn't cost to smile". So basically that person saying that to me today has pissed me off and humiliated me.
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BPD Barbie
Visionary
- Dec 1, 2019
- 2,359
How on earth is smiling suspicious?.... that's almost comical. Sorry they said that to you though, damned if you do and damned if you don't. Personally I just see what you do as being polite, I do the same, make eye contact with someone and give a small smile. Doesn't mean we are plotting something.
I have that problem where my resting face looks super serious and that's how people who don't know me well describe me. But people who do know me well know I like have fun, laugh, make others laugh, so they describe me as bubbly. I've never put stock in what strangers think of me. I won't see them or seem them often so just don't have the space to care.
Exactly, thank you. I felt really called out haha and it made me feel like I was being creepy or something for just smiling, which is ridiculous! I've been raised to be polite (probably too polite - must not be seen OR heard as a child haha) so just acknowledging someone's presence with a smile didn't seem outrageous to me.
I need to care less about what people think of me. I'm like you though, generally people would also describe me as fun, funny, nice etc. Although that was before my recent suicide attempt basically ruined everything with everyone. Now I'm isolated but onto another workplace (Required for part of my degree) and have just accepted that I will just be the nice part of myself and keep all the torment to myself. People say it's good to talk and all that but they end up just abandoning me, even the professionals and others who are apparently all about compassion.
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