I can’t pick a date to ctb and it sucks

[AngelGirl]

Picking a date to actually ctb is extremely difficult because the idea of dying starts to feel all too real. Most typically I tell myself that I will do it at the moment when I'm in so much distress and suffering is unbearable. I'm assuming a hypothetical moment where I would be absolutely compelled to ctb. Telling myself that I will kill myself later so I don't have to worry about the moment of actually doing it gives me so much relief. Being real and imminent with my ctb plans gives me so much anxiety.
Why can't you do it right now? Why can't you do it today? Why can't you do it tomorrow?
I tried to tell myself that I can do it tomorrow because there's no real reason why I absolutely can't do it tomorrow so I'll do it tomorrow.
Immediately, having that thought gave me so much anxiety and almost gave me a panic attack. Racing heart, chest pain, breathing fast with my mouth open. If anxiety escalates any further I know from experience I will have a panic attack.

 

[woxihuanni]

There is no rush.

 

[foxdie]

There is no rush.

This 100%. Choosing to ctb is the biggest decision you'll ever make. I stopped trying to set a date cause, like you said, it gives me crazy anxiety. I'm just taking my time trying to get to the point when it feels right. It is really difficult and it's completely normal to be waivering.

Take all the time you need.

 

[iftheworldwasending]

i get that :( but along with what everyone else is saying, there is no rush. CTB will always be there. take some time for yourself.

here if you need someone to talk to!

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I can't pick one either, I just randomly try and am hoping it eventually works. Finding the motivation to pick a date and commit to it is hard.