I can't live like this

[BrokenAlien]

It's getting so much worse. I miss my fiancé so much and I live in regret and sadness, I'm broken that the future with him can't exist and I'm broken I hurt him. This world is such a cold empty place without him in it and I blame myself. I have to ctb, there's no other way. I feel nothing but grief and pain, and for the rest of my life it will follow me. I want to be with him so badly, I'm so lost I'm so hurt and I don't think I handle the pain of all this. im going to have to do it, probably SN and probably the same exact way he did. It sucks and everyone says it's not my fault and I should survive this but I don't have that strength anymore. Despite everything he was my best friend and he made my life happy and he gave me hope and light. We did that for eachother.
I try to find the good in life on my own but it doesn't feel right. I have a few days to spend with my family, but when I'm back home I think it's time. I feel like I deserve this pain but it's unbearable.
I just need to express is somewhere because this site is the only place I can take some bit of solace. I'm suffering so much.

 

[Cursed4ever]

Hugs

 

[sadworld]

I'm sorry to hear that.. I'm sure he found peace. Sending hugs

 

[Cakes]

This made me tear up. I feel exactly the same. I don't want to go on without him, I don't know what to do
Sending you love

 

[Johndoe5381]

I'm sorry for your pain. I really am.