Venting i can’t do this anymore

[almondmilk]

i simply cannot do life anymore
i feel so sad and alone, i recently lost a loved one in my life (they did not die they just cut ties with me because of their shitty behaviour) and i hate my job, i have call after call , literally working at a customer centre is painful. i hate this job with a passion. at least is paying me . that's the only good part . i'm also working on a chess website and its full of bugs, and i barely can see what it is wrong, i don't know, and not even got is helpful, its consuming me from the inside out. i just wish i wasn't so alone, and stressed and crying when i see a incoming call and crying when i see a bug in my website and crying when i think that my ex partner is absolutely fine without me , and i'm spiralling into thoughts and i have no friends because all of them are in uni or have jobs, or when i meet other friends they make everything about them , i just want to simply pass out and live in my imagination, where there is no hardship and i don't have to work 9h / day and to do not engage with complex existing. i relapsed into sh after 1 year and a half of not doing it and i'm feeling worse. why is this person happier without me? why is my job so emotionally and mentally exhausting ? why is my website not working? WHY ANYTHING IN MY LIFE IS NOT GOING WELL? i have to battle this by myself and it sucjs, it fucking sucks, i eat in a day more than i can imagine, another day i'n starving, and everyday i smoke 2 packs of malboros. i wish i just had somebody who i can rest my head on their shoulder, cry and scream, and they would just pet me in silence. i don't like it here anymore. thinking about ctb soon tho

 

[Ikkuna]

Sad read

 

[almondmilk]

Sad read

obviously nobody here will make a post about " how happy i am to be alive "

Sad read

obviously nobody here will make a post about " how happy i am to be alive

 

[Ikkuna]

obviously nobody here will make a post about " how happy i am to be alive "

obviously nobody here will make a post about " how happy i am to be alive

Idk I just replied with something. Making a long vent and getting 0 replies isn't nice

 

[bankai]

I completely understand and I'm sorry

 

[Life'sA6itch]

Sad read

This is what I expect on THIS site and it's life unfortunately. Not just a "sad read." And a customer service job in and of itself can lead you here with the way people act over the phone or behind a keyboard

 

[SpeedTrials]

I work at costumer service too, i have been there for over two years. I don't feel that bad about the calls themselves but about the constant social game play of my co-workers and superiors. I like to spend my weekends alone, playing games, reading, music or movies. Desconnect from everything once a week if possible, the modern life is killing people from the inside and the cope i found is just ignoring everything and stay in my home.

 

[DTA]

I work at costumer service too, i have been there for over two years. I don't feel that bad about the calls themselves but about the constant social game play of my co-workers and superiors. I like to spend my weekends alone, playing games, reading, music or movies. Desconnect from everything once a week if possible, the modern life is killing people from the inside and the cope i found is just ignoring everything and stay in my home.

Amen. This modern life is twisted. I used to go home and drink myself stupid just to forget I had to go back the next day and do it all over again!