i can't die

[pua]

i have all stuff (sn ,propanol,antiemetic,benzo..). İ don't want to live,i have no hope about life and myself, and im not afraid of dying, i want to die but i can't and i don't know why. i feel so complicated,is there anyone here like me?

 

[rt1989526]

Are you talking about a failed attempt or survival instinct (SI)?

 

[crybaby]

same

 

[pua]

Are you talking about a failed attempt or survival instinct (SI)?

Not like that, i am talking about feelings

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

no, it's the other way around for me.

Try to describe to us what it triggers in you when you think about it.

Do you feel guilty? An unfinished business? Are you failing someone? Do you still want to know what tomorrow looks like? Afraid of anything but dying?

 

[dyingtodie]

I resonate with the OP. It's as if, as long as there is the tiniest thread of hope that somehow life will get better, I can't terminate myself, even though I badly long to, and have been for a long time now. Things keep temporarily improving for me, mostly through workaholic distraction (working towards having an income); but then I crash due to depression and persistent social isolation and reason that this is no life worth living. Yet, I'm sipping a smoothie now, and playing chess...these help me hold on.

 

[miguel6565]

SI is a bitch

 

[raindrops]

i have all stuff (sn ,propanol,antiemetic,benzo..). İ don't want to live,i have no hope about life and myself, and im not afraid of dying, i want to die but i can't and i don't know why. i feel so complicated,is there anyone here like me?

I'm the same without sn. I want to go so badly, I'm ready but no courage to do it.
I think it's mostly because I keep feeling hope, hoping things will get better soon.
Or perhaps I will never have the courage and feel this way forever :l

I'm glad this website exists, I'm glad we can all talk like this without judgement.

 

[pua]

no, it's the other way around for me.

Try to describe to us what it triggers in you when you think about it.

Do you feel guilty? An unfinished business? Are you failing someone? Do you still want to know what tomorrow looks like? Afraid of anything but dying?

my life and i couldn't change since 5 years and 5 years passed with all sadness and depression despite of these there was always a little hope inside me maybe that triggers,i cant figure it out

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

I'm the same without sn. I want to go so badly, I'm ready but no courage to do it.
I think it's mostly because I keep feeling hope, hoping things will get better soon.
Or perhaps I will never have the courage and feel this way forever :l

I'm glad this website exists, I'm glad we can all talk like this without judgement.

Sipping on a smoothie and playing chess? lol.
I've never got that far in the past 37 years.
Nevertheless, the false hope of holding on to a straw has made me go on living again and again.

Today I can only recommend everyone to think carefully about whether they want to get involved in this game.

Maybe try once or twice, this poisoned honey. But don't make the same mistake as me that it takes 37 years and a total crash into nothing to finally make the right decision.

Of course it would be possible that after the third, fourth or fifth attempt the miracle would happen, that must be clear to you. But there is no guarantee that it will.

 

[Lupgevif]

When is the expiration date of the stuff you got? Give it more time.

 

[ImpairedLowlife]

Not like that, i am talking about feelings

I am sure this is SI. Even like this it stops you from trying to ctb. You can die if you want to. Just like any of us.

 

[pua]

I am sure this is SI. Even like this it stops you from trying to ctb. You can die if you want to. Just like any of us.

is SI shows itself in different ways,maybe sometimes like a hope,sometimes like a fear?

 

[XYZ]

I hear you. I know I must let go and yet I seem unable to. I feel like... Great, here's another thing I fail at.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

It's a very emotional process so don't beat yourself up if you can't, this is normal

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

is SI shows itself in different ways,maybe sometimes like a hope,sometimes like a fear?

think SI just shows up as fear. Afraid of losing your life. The perverse thing about SI is that it cannot be overcome that easily with a simple decision. It takes time and is a complicated path.

For me, real hope means that there is still a possible way out. A small light at the end of the tunnel so that it isn't quite dark yet.

False hope arises from desperation when the light in the tunnel has gone out, but a bright spot still glows on the retina.

I have overcome my SI and every second I regret dying, dying my life.

 

[Bruces]

I can completely relate,I know for sure there's nothing to live for but can't die

 

[pua]

2 months ago i posted this thread,and now nothing change,i hate myself

 

[Lilacmoon]

whoever invited SI should die :(

 

[Hofmann43]

I think it would help to take a benzo if you feel that the fear is rising up before an attempt. I think it's natural to feel that. I have lived in a flat in the 12th floor and I couldn't jump although I really wanted to.

 

[Infinite Conscious]

I think it would help to take a benzo if you feel that the fear is rising up before an attempt. I think it's natural to feel that. I have lived in a flat in the 12th floor and I couldn't jump although I really wanted to.

I think there is a huge difference between the fear of jumping as opposed to drinking SN.
Although the end result should be the same, the fear of jumping from heights is a lot more intense and more difficult to overcome.
No wonder the great majority of people here choose to drink a glass of salty water in their bed.
If jumping was the only option they had, I don't think many of them could go through with it.

 

[Hofmann43]

I think there is a huge difference between the fear of jumping as opposed to drinking SN.
Although the end result should be the same, the fear of jumping from heights is a lot more intense and more difficult to overcome.
No wonder the great majority of people here choose to drink a glass of salty water in their bed.
If jumping was the only option they had, I don't think many of them could go through with it.

Well I was also afraid that a kid or a sensitive person will find me and get traumatized by the site

 

[Infinite Conscious]

Well I was also afraid that a kid or a sensitive person will find me and get traumatized by the site

There is always a possibility of being wrong, but I sincerely believe that is not the true reason why you didn't jump.
That is just one of the excuses your mind constructed to preserve you/itself from annihilation.
The true reason is the fear...

It has nothing to do with you personally, we all face very similar emotions on that edge (if not exactly the same).

 

[pua]

I think it would help to take a benzo if you feel that the fear is rising up before an attempt. I think it's natural to feel that. I have lived in a flat in the 12th floor and I couldn't jump although I really wanted to.

i think i am not ready to die but i dont know why