Venting I am tired of trying and being alive

[IMAFRAIDDAVE]

I have not been truly happy since I was a young kid. Probably since I was 4. I became suicidal at 8 years old because of intense bullying from all of my classmates.
I have mental illnesses that make living miserable. I have friends and I love them but I want to be selfish for once.
The only thing stopping me is the fact that nothing I can think of will work.
I always used to fantasize about jumping in front of a train but the trains near me stop often and are not that fast. The train tracks are above ground anyways so it is not like I could jump from anywhere but the actual stop, which obviously would not work.
I cannot buy a gun, I am afraid of failing at hanging, I have almost no options.
I just want someone to end my own life. No one will help me. I just want it to be over with.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand feeling so tired of it all, I always feel so tired of suffering, it's just so cruel and dreadful to me how there's all this suffering in existing, I also wish to be gone, all I want is to never suffer again, I hope you find peace.

 

[IMAFRAIDDAVE]

I really understand feeling so tired of it all, I always feel so tired of suffering, it's just so cruel and dreadful to me how there's all this suffering in existing, I also wish to be gone, all I want is to never suffer again, I hope you find peace.

Thank you, I hope you do as well.