Several years ago I was in a clinic two times in the same year. I was in a mixed manic depressive episode and in a lot of mental pain after being fired. The clinic itself was very good and increased my life quality temporarily a lot. But the second time I was there the clinic boss left this nasty comment and wanted me to go as soon as possible.
This is 3,5 years ago and I want to go to this clinic again. The psychiatrist of the other day clinic in my area told me I felt too bad for a day clinic and should also stay over night there. I only told him 50% of the truth not that I have SN here in my apartment etc.
I am pretty scared about that clinic boss in the other clinic. I just read she is still the boss there. I am nervous. She was pretty apathetic about my suicidality and despair.
I was acute suicidal some weeks ago and the notion of going to college still makes me acute suicidal. My life prospects are terrible and it is only a matter of time when I will commit suicide. But I never have attempted which makes me look like an attention seeker seemingly. I tried partial and stood at the floor of the 7th floor some years ago but I did not actually wanted to go through with it. I barely speak with my professionals about my suicidality. It does not help much, I am scared they lose hope in me and I dislike the feeling of being seen as attention seeker. But in this clinic I have the feeling I have to prove that I am really suicidal which feels so wrong and toxic.
I tell you something. If she leaves some nasty remarks about not being actually suicidal I will tell them I am frequently in a suicide forum. Then they will act like that this was the big bad wolve which is the root evil of all my problems. Honestly I could imagine this would happen. LMAO. Despite the fact it is so far from the truth and instead this forum helps me to survive my daily living hell. I think if I mentioned it is fucking Sanctioned Suicide they would either reject me from the clinic stay and/or call the cops on me. This is so sad.
So I am in a dilemma. How much of the actual truth should I tell? If I am too honest they might want that I go to a day and night clinic which I don't want. If I am not explicit enough about my suicide intentions they might consider me an attention seeker and tell me I felt too good for being there.
Despite the fact I am whining here about it I think therapies and clinic stays are worth it. They helped me a lot to cope but I have to admit that some nasty comments from the staff hurt me. I still would recommend them to everyone who is able to afford them. (my opinion)
This is 3,5 years ago and I want to go to this clinic again. The psychiatrist of the other day clinic in my area told me I felt too bad for a day clinic and should also stay over night there. I only told him 50% of the truth not that I have SN here in my apartment etc.
I am pretty scared about that clinic boss in the other clinic. I just read she is still the boss there. I am nervous. She was pretty apathetic about my suicidality and despair.
I was acute suicidal some weeks ago and the notion of going to college still makes me acute suicidal. My life prospects are terrible and it is only a matter of time when I will commit suicide. But I never have attempted which makes me look like an attention seeker seemingly. I tried partial and stood at the floor of the 7th floor some years ago but I did not actually wanted to go through with it. I barely speak with my professionals about my suicidality. It does not help much, I am scared they lose hope in me and I dislike the feeling of being seen as attention seeker. But in this clinic I have the feeling I have to prove that I am really suicidal which feels so wrong and toxic.
I tell you something. If she leaves some nasty remarks about not being actually suicidal I will tell them I am frequently in a suicide forum. Then they will act like that this was the big bad wolve which is the root evil of all my problems. Honestly I could imagine this would happen. LMAO. Despite the fact it is so far from the truth and instead this forum helps me to survive my daily living hell. I think if I mentioned it is fucking Sanctioned Suicide they would either reject me from the clinic stay and/or call the cops on me. This is so sad.
So I am in a dilemma. How much of the actual truth should I tell? If I am too honest they might want that I go to a day and night clinic which I don't want. If I am not explicit enough about my suicide intentions they might consider me an attention seeker and tell me I felt too good for being there.
Despite the fact I am whining here about it I think therapies and clinic stays are worth it. They helped me a lot to cope but I have to admit that some nasty comments from the staff hurt me. I still would recommend them to everyone who is able to afford them. (my opinion)
