Venting I am scared of change

[m1v]

Sorry if this feels all over the place, I'm having trouble expressing my thoughts right now! I feel very confused. I am doing significantly better than I was 3 years ago, yet I still feel very depressed. A lot has changed during those 3 years, but I'm not sure whether those changes have been positive.

I am currently a NEET and living at my mother's place. My doctor said to me, "Don't you feel bad for your mother? This is going to be difficult for her. You should start planning your next steps." my immediate thought in my head was, "I would rather die than think about my next steps." Then I questioned myself and wondered whether that thought sounded like a threat, almost as if I were saying I would kill myself if I were forced to think about my future...

It sometimes feels like I don't want to get better, do i even want to get better? I feel somewhat okay in my current situation. I am depressed yes, but at least I'm not where I was 3 years ago. Compared to that time this feels survivable. Maybe I'm clinging to that comparison as a way to justify staying where I am, even if it still hurts.

The idea of change, even positive change, feels exhausting & scary, it feels safer to stay in something familiar than to risk moving forward and realizing I can't handle it. So maybe it's not that I don't want to get better, but that im afraid of what getting better would demand from me.

Thank you to anyone reading it, means a lot to me. Sending hearts.

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

Change is always scary. I find myself in this text because on most days i would rather stay where i am then try to push past my comfort zone.

Maybe you can start with little things? You don't need to change super fast.

When you say doctor, do you mean sonething like a therapist? It helps a lot to have someone where you can talk about these things in person.

 

[Pluto]

 

[violetforever]

The idea of change, even positive change, feels exhausting & scary, it feels safer to stay in something familiar than to risk moving forward and realizing I can't handle it. So maybe it's not that I don't want to get better, but that im afraid of what getting better would demand from me

it is scary. i was a NEET at 18/19, did some schooling, became a NEET again and now i'm back to completing school how does your mom feel about it? at first my family was on my back about it but over time it diminished. they didn't bother me and it took me deciding for myself that i needed to do things and change. you'll get there too. good luck.

 

[m1v]

Change is always scary. I find myself in this text because on most days i would rather stay where i am then try to push past my comfort zone.

Maybe you can start with little things? You don't need to change super fast.

When you say doctor, do you mean sonething like a therapist? It helps a lot to have someone where you can talk about these things in person.

Thank you, I actually mean my doctor, i only see them about twice a year. But I do have an upcoming appointment with a psychiatrist, and I'll make sure to talk to her about this. Thank you for reminding me. Sending you hearts.

it is scary. i was a NEET at 18/19, did some schooling, became a NEET again and now i'm back to completing school how does your mom feel about it? at first my family was on my back about it but over time it diminished. they didn't bother me and it took me deciding for myself that i needed to do things and change. you'll get there too. good luck.

@violetforever How do you feel about going back to school? Is it something you actually want, or feel comfortable with? My mom is very similar to yours. At first, she was extremely disappointed, almost as if she had lost all hope in me, which I understand. But these days she's not as whiny or complaining about me anymore. Thank you for your words, I really needed them. Much love

 

[violetforever]

@violetforever How do you feel about going back to school? Is it something you actually want, or feel comfortable with? My mom is very similar to yours. At first, she was extremely disappointed, almost as if she had lost all hope in me, which I understand. But these days she's not as whiny or complaining about me anymore. Thank you for your words, I really needed them. Much love

i actually really did want to go back to school and i'm looking forward to classes starting. i have a genuine interest for the subject i'm majoring in. when i stopped attending it was due to stress from my family life and then i started second guessing if my major was right for me but now i'm sure.

i hope it all works out for you