I have been okay being alone for some time now. Then something horrible happens and I wish I had a partner. A fee years ago it was the California wildfires that devastated wine country. I went through that hell alone and it was so jarring and isolating. The town had some stupid slogan: "the love in the air is thicker than the smoke". Every time i saw it... on a sign, on a bumper sticker or tee shirt, I wanted to puke. I got no love. Plenty of smoke though. People are so full of shit.... and phony.
And recently I had a medical emergency. I lay in my apartment for two days in agony, screaming in the most intense pain I have ever felt. Thrns out my gallbladder was infected. My neighbor helped. I texted and asked if she would drive me to hospital. She did which was nice and was there when i had surgery. She has brought me soup and checked in on me. She is a nice lady but we are very different. We have nothing in common but i do so appreciate how she helped me through this.
Aside from her nothing. The night of my surgery my boss texted me about my lack of communication and was very harsh and insensitive to what i had been through. There is a colleague who i used to manage who i have a problem with. She has been spreading lies about me. She defriended me on FB. Nobody in the office slacked me to see how I was doing. No warm wishes or get well card. Someone's pet dies or they get in an accident, they get a card. I have a life threatening emergency I get nothing.
I am so tired of trying. What's the point. 90% of humanity is crap. I want to sleep and never wake up. I want this struggle to be over. I want peace at last...
And recently I had a medical emergency. I lay in my apartment for two days in agony, screaming in the most intense pain I have ever felt. Thrns out my gallbladder was infected. My neighbor helped. I texted and asked if she would drive me to hospital. She did which was nice and was there when i had surgery. She has brought me soup and checked in on me. She is a nice lady but we are very different. We have nothing in common but i do so appreciate how she helped me through this.
Aside from her nothing. The night of my surgery my boss texted me about my lack of communication and was very harsh and insensitive to what i had been through. There is a colleague who i used to manage who i have a problem with. She has been spreading lies about me. She defriended me on FB. Nobody in the office slacked me to see how I was doing. No warm wishes or get well card. Someone's pet dies or they get in an accident, they get a card. I have a life threatening emergency I get nothing.
I am so tired of trying. What's the point. 90% of humanity is crap. I want to sleep and never wake up. I want this struggle to be over. I want peace at last...
