tiokapaws
Non breath oblige
- Feb 28, 2026
- 42
On thursday I have an appointment to speak to my Gp. I changed from my old one, whose office I would always leave in tears because of how bad she made me feel, so I'm not sure what to expect from this new one. I'm like really scared. So much that even thinking about it has me scratching at my skin like some type of dog riddled with fleas.
I had to wait two weeks which is odd compared to my old practice where I was getting seen on the day, or at most the following ones. And while maybe there was a way to get an earlier appointment by mentioning I'm on the verge of a mental health crisis, I was much too scared to say it. So I've made the wait.
I really hope my mom won't make a fuss over me leaving the house for it. And I hope the GP is at least a little nice.
I'm going to try to be honest, but also careful with what I say. My country isn't the type to detain people in mental hospitals, but if I talk too much they might send someone to my house.
There's like the "big issue" of chronic suicidality and altering moods, but also the other stuff of like, my constant paranoia, intrusive thoughts and general feeling of unsettlement and chaos in my head which I'm questioning if it could be ocd. But like, Idk if they'll care about that.
I don't know, I just really want help. I feel like everyday I'm living with this huge secret on my back. Whenever people talk about recieving treatment, I despise them because I never could. At least nothing helpful, because I don't count that period of therapy when I was 14 doing anything but making me a million times more suicidal. So, yeah. That's the plan.
I've been thinking of holding this off and waiting until I fall into another one of my depressive episodes so they wont feel as if I'm a big fat liar, but I know that in that state I won't even show up. So I will try to be brave.
If it goes to shit then I officially give up. I don't know when it will happen, but I'll know I have no other choice but to ctb. But who knows, maybe it won't come to that. Fingers crossed.
If anybody has any advice or how their experiences went with opening up to their GP/doctor I'd really appreciate it ^^
I had to wait two weeks which is odd compared to my old practice where I was getting seen on the day, or at most the following ones. And while maybe there was a way to get an earlier appointment by mentioning I'm on the verge of a mental health crisis, I was much too scared to say it. So I've made the wait.
I really hope my mom won't make a fuss over me leaving the house for it. And I hope the GP is at least a little nice.
I'm going to try to be honest, but also careful with what I say. My country isn't the type to detain people in mental hospitals, but if I talk too much they might send someone to my house.
There's like the "big issue" of chronic suicidality and altering moods, but also the other stuff of like, my constant paranoia, intrusive thoughts and general feeling of unsettlement and chaos in my head which I'm questioning if it could be ocd. But like, Idk if they'll care about that.
I don't know, I just really want help. I feel like everyday I'm living with this huge secret on my back. Whenever people talk about recieving treatment, I despise them because I never could. At least nothing helpful, because I don't count that period of therapy when I was 14 doing anything but making me a million times more suicidal. So, yeah. That's the plan.
I've been thinking of holding this off and waiting until I fall into another one of my depressive episodes so they wont feel as if I'm a big fat liar, but I know that in that state I won't even show up. So I will try to be brave.
If it goes to shit then I officially give up. I don't know when it will happen, but I'll know I have no other choice but to ctb. But who knows, maybe it won't come to that. Fingers crossed.
If anybody has any advice or how their experiences went with opening up to their GP/doctor I'd really appreciate it ^^
