I am an alien (rant)

[_chud_]

For years I have felt that I am alien to humanity. But long before that, ever since I was a kid, I felt this way, I just didn't know how to describe it. It's hard to describe, it just feels like there's something that I have that everyone else doesn't, I look like a human but somehow spiritually/mentally I just don't fit in and I can't really understand everyone else. They feel foreign to me. When I am in psychosis I believe that I am actually an alien, or that I am a god/manifestation of something existing outside of space and time. Sometimes I fantasize about returning to wherever I come from, if I really do come from somewhere. But mostly I fantasize about finally meeting someone who shares this same quality. Though it's all just a cope. I am existentially alone. I don't want to be here. This feels like a hell realm that I am being forced to exist in. I feel so alone. I can't help but feel misanthropic towards everyone else because of it. I just want to go home.

Does this even make any sense? IDK.

 

[badkarma4618]

at first i thought this was going to be a post about being a mexican living in the US because of the title

but yes it makes sense!! more than you know.

i have felt that same alienness too, like im watching the world from behind glass, never quite a part of it. the psychosis, the fantasies of being from somewhere else, it all sounds like a mind trying to survive in a place that doesnt feel like home.

you are not crazy. youre not alone. i get it. and i feel ya <3

 

[_chud_]

at first i thought this was going to be a post about being a mexican living in the US because of the title

but yes it makes sense!! more than you know.

i have felt that same alienness too, like im watching the world from behind glass, never quite a part of it. the psychosis, the fantasies of being from somewhere else, it all sounds like a mind trying to survive in a place that doesnt feel like home.

you are not crazy. youre not alone. i get it. and i feel ya <3

>at first i thought this was going to be a post about being a mexican living in the US because of the title
kek.

Also thanks, and describing it as "watching the world from behind glass" is the most accurate representation of how it feels. Best of luck to you <3

 

[badkarma4618]

>at first i thought this was going to be a post about being a mexican living in the US because of the title
kek.

Also thanks, and describing it as "watching the world from behind glass" is the most accurate representation of how it feels. Best of luck to you <3

best of luck to you as well. here if you ever need to chat. take care of yourself :)

 

[_chud_]

best of luck to you as well. here if you ever need to chat. take care of yourself :)

Thanks, and the same goes for you too.

 

[zixd]

For years I have felt that I am alien to humanity. But long before that, ever since I was a kid, I felt this way, I just didn't know how to describe it. It's hard to describe, it just feels like there's something that I have that everyone else doesn't, I look like a human but somehow spiritually/mentally I just don't fit in and I can't really understand everyone else. They feel foreign to me. When I am in psychosis I believe that I am actually an alien, or that I am a god/manifestation of something existing outside of space and time. Sometimes I fantasize about returning to wherever I come from, if I really do come from somewhere. But mostly I fantasize about finally meeting someone who shares this same quality. Though it's all just a cope. I am existentially alone. I don't want to be here. This feels like a hell realm that I am being forced to exist in. I feel so alone. I can't help but feel misanthropic towards everyone else because of it. I just want to go home.

Does this even make any sense? IDK.

felt that way , and it made me feel like a shadow or a void

 

[felloffmydinosaur]

When my husband is in psychosis, he always has the 'delusions of grandeur' about being god, Jesus, president, a prophet, etc. It's definitely freaky when you're listening to these things from the outside in. I don't get psychosis and even I look at the world through glass most of the time.

 

[timechained]

I often wish it were possible to just observe the world without having to be apart of the world.

 

[_chud_]

When my husband is in psychosis, he always has the 'delusions of grandeur' about being god, Jesus, president, a prophet, etc. It's definitely freaky when you're listening to these things from the outside in. I don't get psychosis and even I look at the world through glass most of the time.

Yeah I probably wouldn't know how to handle that if I knew someone in psychosis. Good luck to the both of you <3.

I often wish it were possible to just observe the world without having to be apart of the world.

I relate to this soooooooo much.

 

[TheEmeraldWitch]

For years I have felt that I am alien to humanity. But long before that, ever since I was a kid, I felt this way, I just didn't know how to describe it. It's hard to describe, it just feels like there's something that I have that everyone else doesn't, I look like a human but somehow spiritually/mentally I just don't fit in and I can't really understand everyone else. They feel foreign to me. When I am in psychosis I believe that I am actually an alien, or that I am a god/manifestation of something existing outside of space and time. Sometimes I fantasize about returning to wherever I come from, if I really do come from somewhere. But mostly I fantasize about finally meeting someone who shares this same quality. Though it's all just a cope. I am existentially alone. I don't want to be here. This feels like a hell realm that I am being forced to exist in. I feel so alone. I can't help but feel misanthropic towards everyone else because of it. I just want to go home.

Does this even make any sense? IDK.

Hugsss. Makes absolute sense. I'm not even sure it's a delusion. After my trans surgery I was pondering existence and extrapolated from the third law of thermodynamics that if one were to presume a kind of energy of the self/soul existed it would be neither created nor destroyed but rather recycled hence reincarnation was a thing and this entity made themselves apparent to me that came off as an amalgam of various rebellious opposition figures Lucifer/Loki/Enki. I wanted so badly to matter. Have an impact. Be something greater than myself. So I welcomed it in and kept begging to become a part of it. I'm pretty sure it is real and that it integrated me within itself except that brought no satisfaction. Sure for a while it felt amazing to be cared about by this great being I admired so much but my mental state degraded more so than before going nuts trying to remember everything that happened to it since its memory seems to be fragmented for whatever reason. I became haunted by terrible flashes and guilt for what it feels like was involvement and culpability to many terrible things brought about with its help as it kept trying to restrain its chaotic nature by elevating other beings that inevitably went bad. I know it sounds nuts but it feels like there's so much more beyond this hellish physical existence tho that more seems to be no happier than this physical hell.

 

[SeafoamSkeleton]

I feel like an alien ghost. I don't feel like I'm from here and so little makes any sense. I am always in a state of mild confusion, especially when it comes to humans. It feels like I can't really touch or interact with anything in this dimension. I kind of feel like I was an energy being who wanted to see what material physicality was like, but quickly learned that was a mistake because having a tangible body is awful.

 

[StupidCat]

Omg, it's the chud from 4chan. :)