No matter what I say, I never end up actually killing myself. I've made attempts, but here I am. It's a comfort to think about death as a way out. My memories of sexual abuse are haunting, more so since I've come out publicly about it. My ex threatened to sue me for libel. I do not have evidence. No one believes me. It feels like things would have been better had I not said anything. I would not have to have resigned from leadership in the organization I was helping build. I am now the vengeful ex and my word means nothing. I cry everyday. Suicide feels like the only answer. Bad things have happened, but nothing like this. I shouldn't have said anything.
-
⚠️ UK Access Block Notice: Beginning July 1, 2025, this site will no longer be accessible from the United Kingdom. This is a voluntary decision made by the site's administrators. We were not forced or ordered to implement this block. If you're located in the UK, we recommend using a VPN to maintain access.
fadinggirl
Member
- Dec 25, 2024
- 94
i hope this doesnt sound awful but this was strangely comforting for me to read, ive gone through something similar and it feels like no one understands how trapping it feels. nobody gets how hard it is to build up the courage to heal and come out of a hole when you're not just haunted by the memories, but there are people around you questioning and criticizing the thing you have memories about. to feel like you're now this vengeful or bitter person when you shouldn't be, and it's not your fault, can be so scary.
bankai
Enlightened
- Mar 16, 2025
- 1,690
wantingdignity
Little lost
- Apr 5, 2025
- 126
Sending you love. I finally told my friends about what happened to me, and I am lucky that they are supportive. His friends think I'm crazy. They think what he did was wrong, but that I'm crazy. I kept his secret to everyone other than a couple's therapist that he didn't even want to see, but I'm crazy. My body still feels awful a year since the incident.
I hope you are able to get the outside support you deserve. Please be kind to yourself. You deserve to be respected by people, including by yourself.
I'm struggling a lot today since it's now been officially a year since it happened. Neither of us deserved it. I hope we can have some peace today.
