I almost died this morning!

[former forum user J]

Family out. Thought it would be "fun" to visit the 18th floor. Was no roof access so I opened this big hall window and sat on the edge instead. Good 30 minutes. No one below noticed.

Strangely my body doesn't even want to live anymore. I didn't feel scared or anything sitting there. I actually felt really peaceful. If I had rocked forward I wouldn't have to be typing this right now. I only logically thought it'd be a waste and my family would be sad if I did kill myself.

I don't care if I live, but really don't want my little sibling to grow up a failure like I am, for some stupid thing that I did.

2 years ago I had an offer from Oxford. Now I'm fucking here. Whose fault is that? Mine entirely.

Edit: Family are back and I'm typing this while I pretend everything is normal. On our way to the hospital.

Please someone help me.

Edit: I'VE SET A FIRM DATE IN THE HOSPITAL! IVE FALLEN SO FAR IN TWO MONTHS! IM GOING TO MAKE A LIST OF THINGS TO DO BEFORE MY DATE/ BIRTHDAY!

 

[bunn1bel]

I completely understand the sibling sentiment. I practically raised my little brother, it would crush him and set him on a bad path if his big sister killed herself. Especially because my depression has caused tension within our family, and he already lost me to the psych ward for a few weeks. I feel guilty deteriorating in front of him, like I'm showing him weakness instead of guiding him. You're not alone :(

 

[EternalShore]

I'm sorry to hear. :( I hope you can help out your younger siblings in all the ways you can. :)

 

[former forum user J]

I completely understand the sibling sentiment. I practically raised my little brother, it would crush him and set him on a bad path if his big sister killed herself. Especially because my depression has caused tension within our family, and he already lost me to the psych ward for a few weeks. I feel guilty deteriorating in front of him, like I'm showing him weakness instead of guiding him. You're not alone :(

Big respect to you. Helping your sibling is a great thing and it's not said enough.

I also did some sibling raising, but as I get older I learn my parents are actually quite nice but I don't know. I'm both too young and too old for this.

I've learnt now that no one is coming to save me or you. (maybe) Even in religion, God lets us reap what we sow. We must help ourselves. Best wishes to you and your siblings.

 

[HighFlight]

I've learnt now that no one is coming to save me or you.

Not in the way you are thinking. No one is magically going to show up and save you like in the movies. But there are people who can and are willing to help. Just like you care about your little sibling, there are people who care about you. The trick / hard part is finding them. And unfortunately, only you can do that.

 

[Kall]

Hello, I just wanted to say that you seem like a caring person, which is an achievement itself in this world