Discussion Hurts just to be conscious and awake

[slushy]

Aside from my circumstances, life is inherently painful for me. It hurts me just to be here and alive. My thoughts never stop. It almost feels like there are bugs crawling around in my brain. I am constantly suicidal but have learned to put it "on the back burner," so to speak, so I can function. I do experience moments of happiness but underneath it is still the feeling that this doesn't really make the pain worth it and I'd still rather die. The only time I get any respite is sleep, which is my favorite time of the day.

On top of all this, my life situation continues to deteriorate and there is no conceivable way for anything to improve, only worsen. I'm also scared to be living in America right now as a gay woman..knowing I could be in trouble as my rights are soon stripped away because of the dystopian surveillance state we live in here. So why not just kill myself off before things get too bad? I wanted to die anyway.

I guess what I was hoping to know is do y'all experience that? Just that underlying current of pain and hopelessness no matter what is actually happening in your life? Do you think it's normal? I wonder if it's just not in my genetics to be happy. I do come from a long line of unhappy people

 

[iookforwardtonext]

Hi, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I get it, I went through a horrible year of waking up and instantly crying and having a gut wrenching feeling constantly. What helped me was finding distractions and keeping myself busy, even if it was watching something I enjoy or blasting music loudly which sounds stupid but it worked for me. I hope things start to get easier for you soon.

 

[FuneralCry]

Being alive has always been a painful experience for me and I see consciousness as being a form of torture. I have never wanted to be here and the thought of dying has always been comforting to me. I just see life as being an unnecessary, pointless struggle for the sake of it. I was perfectly fine not existing until I was forced to endure this life. I simply dislike having thoughts and feelings as well.
For me it is normal as it is all I know. Me wanting to die is completely rational and it is what makes sense for me. I do not see life as being worth living.
I wish you relief from suffering, it is such a cruel and unfair life and none of us deserve the pain this life gives us.