Hurt and shocked rant

[SanJunipero1]

Hey guys,

I've come for a rant and a vent if you'll indulge me...

I've mentioned before how much comfort I get from an online young widow support group I'm in (for those that don't know, my fiancé died by suicide last year). Well I've just had to quit the Suicide Widow sub-group.
Someone posted asking the question if you could ever date someone with mental health issues again and a whole bunch of them said no.

Like of course, I understand why they would say that and that it's a trauma reaction but fuck man to be so judgemental and ill informed when you yourself have just been through this exact shit is baffling. This is exactly why people don't speak up about their struggles. This is from the same people who bemoan the fact they never saw it coming with their partners or the same people who claim to want to destigmatize suicide and yet push comes to shove, they'd turn their back on someone in pain.
Not to mention that by their own matrix, they themselves would be undatable as they're all suffering from trauma loss which is a mental health issue.
I'm furious.
It truly is the greatest example of how fundamentally selfish and self interested people are. Even the people who should be the most empathetic still don't get it. What hope do any of us have convincing your man on the street.

 

[hoping to lose hope]

I think it is great that you are able to look at the bigger picture and even realize that the err of their reasoning is a symptom of trauma themselves.

 

[timf]

In any group of people it would be reasonable to expect a certain percentage would be insensitive, unkind, and lacking a large degree of understanding. However, it can still be a shock when such people are encountered.

The person who asked the question and perhaps many of those who responded seem oblivious that thew question itself reflects a poor understanding. For example, it would be difficult to determine the degree and type of mental health failing that is implied. It would also be difficult to find anyone that does not have an occasional mental health shortfall.

An associated question might be would you ever marry anyone with cancer or remain married after you discovered they had cancer. One can see many types of distress such a question would raise. While the person who asked the original question is most likely obtuse, there is an interesting take on this question dealt with in the movie The Arrival.

spoiler alert

A woman receives the ability to see the future and comes to know she will have a daughter who will contract a very rare disease. The underlying question is should she go ahead and have her child even knowing her fate. Her answer could be summed up in the poem fragment "gather ye rosebuds while ye may".

 

[SanJunipero1]

I would, I would do it all again in a heartbeat, even knowing how it ends and I'll gladly trade his pain for mine even if it one days kills me too.

 

[hoping to lose hope]

I would, I would do it all again in a heartbeat, even knowing how it ends and I'll gladly trade his pain for mine even if it one days kills me too.

We really wish we could do such a thing for those we love and truly mean it as well.
Sadlywe cannot but you really are showing how caring and considerate you are.

 

[SanJunipero1]

We really wish we could do such a thing for those we love and truly mean it as well.
Sadlywe cannot but you really are showing how caring and considerate you are.

No what I mean is if my suffering now as a result of him ending his life means he's no longer in pain then I take comfort in that.

 

[hoping to lose hope]

No what I mean is if my suffering now as a result of him ending his life means he's no longer in pain then I take comfort in that.

sorry for misunderstanding I can make no excuses.

 

[SanJunipero1]

sorry for misunderstanding I can make no excuses.

No worries :)