Discussion How To Write A Goodbye Letter?

[absolute_n0thing]

I am closing in on my time to CBT, and so I'm starting to plan my arrangements for when I'm gone. I want to leave a note, but I've been stuck for hours trying to figure out what to say, or how to make it all as "easy" as a situation like this can be.

I know cbt letters are very personal and can differ widely, so I suppose I was just looking for some directional guide, points to maybe include, and general ideas maybe.

I kinda just want to get it across that I really did try everything else first before resorting to ending it, and also make sure I covered what I need to...

 

[Shadows From Hell]

Nothing you say will make it "easy" on anyone. The guilt they will feel after you ctb, will always follow them.

One way or another, they will try to find a way to blame themselves.

 

[ginko0]

I think I'd make sure to say that it wasn't anybody's fault (if that is true for your case) and that nobody could've saved me. Maybe don't rationalize it too much? Write what you'd say to them. There's no science on last notes unfortunately.

 

[gothbird]

Writing a note feels like trying to put a forest fire into a sentence.

I have a whole document I wrote about this with pages of thoughts on notes, structure, tone, all of it. But I haven't posted it on SS because I worry it'll get taken down. Feels like the kind of thing that disappears fast.

That said, here's what I'll say:
You don't have to write anything. A note isn't a requirement. Some people find it grounding or clarifying. Others find it makes everything feel worse. But if there's something pulling at you like a person you care about, a truth you want to leave behind, a need to make something understood, you're allowed to just start small. One line. One name.
You can write a note that's angry, or soft, or practical, or doesn't say much at all. You can write it to someone else, or just to yourself. You can leave it in a document, or a notebook, or nowhere. No one gets to tell you what it should look like. There are usually two emotional paths people take in their writing that I've noticed and I labelled them destruction or comfort. Some want to leave a final blow, to be heard after being ignored. Others want to soften the landing for the people left behind. And some notes are both like I guess a love laced with anger, peace cut through with pain. None of those are wrong. But it's worth thinking about which path feels most true for you.

I will leave you with this resource which really helped define a note for me and help me expand on my thoughts. It is SUPER helpful. I wish you so much luck on your journey. HOW TO WRITE A SUICIDE NOTE by Ash

I will attach what I said over in this thread.

But to add, yeah, notes can mess with your head more than you expect. It's hard to compress years of pain into a page and make it sound like anything other than a mess or worse, like a performance. But you're right: the goal isn't to fix anything.

Here's what I usually suggest, pulled from grief studies and notes stuff (Leenaars, Shneidman, all that, my own person document I wrote about suicide notes I might share someday):

State clearly that you tried. Don't bury it. Say it outright. Something like: "This wasn't my first option. I fought for a long time. I tried everything I had access to." That alone helps more than you think.

Address guilt. You can't stop people from feeling it, but you can soften it. A simple line like "This wasn't caused by anything you did or didn't do" can matter a lot to someone spiraling after they lose you.

Choose your tone. Like are you trying to comfort or protest? Soft or angry? Some people go for forgiveness and closure, others leave a last truth they were never allowed to say. You don't need to be poetic.

Include any practical details. Funeral preferences, digital passwords, belongings, even pet care. If you care about easing things, that's part of it.

Decide who it's for. Is it for family? Friends? Yourself? Tailor the message to them. A note trying to do too much for too many people can get muddled.

If writing feels stuck, start with bullet points. Even fragments. You can shape it later or not at all. Some people leave a full letter. Some just leave a sentence. There's no right way. Just make it true.

Whatever you decide: no pressure. Writing is hard. Leaving is harder.

 

[usernamesarehard]

I'm currently composing a note (really at this point it's a book) with all my posts from this forum. I write a lot about how I feel, so there's really no confusion on what I was thinking. I probably won't print it though, because it's not very nice and could be seen as putting the blame on other people.

Personally the note I would write would be short, sweet, and try to make them feel somewhat better. Something like "I'm depressed, I've been this way for a long time. I tried meds but they don't work. It's not your fault and you couldn't have helped me. I love you. You were great."

Nothing you say will make it "easy" on anyone. The guilt they will feel after you ctb, will always follow them.

One way or another, they will try to find a way to blame themselves.

Also, this. This is why I'd make mine short instead of explaining my reasons. It doesn't matter what you write, they'll never understand. They'll blame themselves, your partner, your ex, anyone but you, the person who committed suicide.

You could literally write your entire life down and how you felt at every moment. Right down to the time you stubbed your toe in first grade and how that made you feel, they still wouldn't understand.