How to move on from the mistakes of the past?

[Satori Komeiji]

I seem unable to let the past stay in the past. Even events that happened 5+ years ago will still haunt me in the present day. Usually the events that stick in my head are feeling embarrassed or rejected. For example, over 6 years ago now I let somebody who I rode on the school bus with look at my phone and they found pictures of my crush on there that I forgot I had. Obviously very embarrassing. Even all these years later when I do something that brings back this memory it hits me like some sort of PTSD flashback and causes me emotional distress. There are dozens of memories like this, I only gave one as an example. I can't stand it. Does anybody else have this issue and if so, how do you deal with it?

 

[Doll Steak]

I have A LOT of embarrassing moments that I've experienced over the years but the only reason I remember it is cause it was embarrassing for ME, the person who witnessed it likely doesn't remember cause it didn't really affect them. Now this doesn't apply to every situation but maybe some of the more minor ones. And also for the memories that are embarrassing for both you and the witness maybe both of you would rather forget it and thus it wouldn't even matter, just a lost memory.

 

[Satori Komeiji]

I have A LOT of embarrassing moments that I've experienced over the years but the only reason I remember it is cause it was embarrassing for ME, the person who witnessed it likely doesn't remember cause it didn't really affect them. Now this doesn't apply to every situation but maybe some of the more minor ones. And also for the memories that are embarrassing for both you and the witness maybe both of you would rather forget it and thus it wouldn't even matter, just a lost memory.

Yes, in almost every case the memory was only embarrassing for me. They have long since been forgotten by everybody else. I should just try to push the thought away by just reminding myself that the only person who remembers it is me.

 

[trying ungracefully]

Self compassion. It is 1. mindfulness 2. common humanity 3. and self kindness.

1. Notice how you are feeling in a non-judgemental way. Try not to stick on the thoughts and think that all it is is embarrassing. Don't suppress them either. Just be with your emotions and try to notice how it feels in your body like if your throat closes or chest tightens, stuff like that.
2. Realize you are like everyone else and everyone has embarrassing moments like this. I can list off so many embarassing things in my life but that would take a while lol. It is part of being human.
3. Instead of criticizing yourself talk to yourself like you were a friend or child. "It is really hard feeling embarrassed, I feel really bad for you, everyone experience that feeling so you are not alone."

It is some thing from someone named Kristen Neff that my therapist had told me. I'm not the best at it yet and it is a bit of a struggle still but practice over time is what changes you. If you do it when things aren't extremely overwhelming either it helps. Think back on thoughts intentionally and practice then. If you can't handle it there are self soothing things you can do to calm yourself down and to focus on something else.

Idk if this will work with you or if you tried but it is something that helps me a bit with embarrassment or shame.

 

[Satori Komeiji]

Self compassion. It is 1. mindfulness 2. common humanity 3. and self kindness.

1. Notice how you are feeling in a non-judgemental way. Try not to stick on the thoughts and think that all it is is embarrassing. Don't suppress them either. Just be with your emotions and try to notice how it feels in your body like if your throat closes or chest tightens, stuff like that.
2. Realize you are like everyone else and everyone has embarrassing moments like this. I can list off so many embarassing things in my life but that would take a while lol. It is part of being human.
3. Instead of criticizing yourself talk to yourself like you were a friend or child. "It is really hard feeling embarrassed, I feel really bad for you, everyone experience that feeling so you are not alone."

It is some thing from someone named Kristen Neff that my therapist had told me. I'm not the best at it yet and it is a bit of a struggle still but practice over time is what changes you. If you do it when things aren't extremely overwhelming either it helps. Think back on thoughts intentionally and practice then. If you can't handle it there are self soothing things you can do to calm yourself down and to focus on something else.

Idk if this will work with you or if you tried but it is something that helps me a bit with embarrassment or shame.

Thank you very much for this <3

 

[kiti0711]

Umm (￣ー￣٥) that reminds me of something from years ago. When I was a kid, I had a secret crush on a girl. One day, I was having a great time playing in front of her and her friends, when she suddenly said, "You're so ugly!"

I still remember it vividly. Luckily, I didn't really understand what she meant back then, so it didn't affect me too much.

 

[Satori Komeiji]

Umm (￣ー￣٥) that reminds me of something from years ago. When I was a kid, I had a secret crush on a girl. One day, I was having a great time playing in front of her and her friends, when she suddenly said, "You're so ugly!"

I still remember it vividly. Luckily, I didn't really understand what she meant back then, so it didn't affect me too much.

That's awful :( I can understand why it stuck with you for so long. People are so cruel.

 

[kiti0711]

So familiar — it's a bit like this one.

Self-Compassion: Theory, Method, Research, and Intervention | Annual Reviews

Self-compassion refers to being supportive toward oneself when experiencing suffering or pain—be it caused by personal mistakes and inadequacies or external life challenges. This review presents my theoretical model of self-compassion as comprised of six different elements: increased...

www.annualreviews.org

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I'm like this too. I remember way too much of my life from too long ago, and a significant number of these memories are not pleasant.

I'd say the best thing you can do is try not to think about it (though I know all too well that is virtually impossible at times) and try to distract yourself somehow. It may also be helpful to spend time with people who would not know about these events, though that's not really the healthiest solution in the long term as you will inevitably have such moments with them.