Amile
Member
- Sep 17, 2020
- 32
There is one thing that has been stopping me from CTB since long time ago are my journals, and also there are my hard drives, various drawings and other things that i absolutely want to erase if i die.
The problem is that i am also unable to live without them, and I'm just unable to think myself of ever abandoning these things in life. If i decide to go to CTB i must get rid of all of that in one night while making the less noise possible; my preferred method for now is to totally hang myself in a storage room in my house, rarely ever anyone goes there and I'm sure that there will be no anyone to find myself in time to save me. But there is another itch and is that i hesitate to leave my body in my house, knowing that my mother or sisters will find my body there eventually.
Because of that I'm also thinking about going to a cheap hotel close to my neighborhood just to CBT and there do a partial hanging instead with the TV on full volume, and also i will leave all my things in a black bag in some corner outside. If i chicken-out or survive i just will go there to took up my things and go home, but if i die then all of that will be just trash.
Any problems with my methods or anything that I must consider?, If i die then what will happen with my things?.
These last weeks have been absolute hell mentally, i have meltdowns like daily and I'm just tired of postponing this thing for so much, honestly surviving another month, let alone another year seems like absolute hell and there is no f*--ing way I could go up to 29y as i firstly planned.
The problem is that i am also unable to live without them, and I'm just unable to think myself of ever abandoning these things in life. If i decide to go to CTB i must get rid of all of that in one night while making the less noise possible; my preferred method for now is to totally hang myself in a storage room in my house, rarely ever anyone goes there and I'm sure that there will be no anyone to find myself in time to save me. But there is another itch and is that i hesitate to leave my body in my house, knowing that my mother or sisters will find my body there eventually.
Because of that I'm also thinking about going to a cheap hotel close to my neighborhood just to CBT and there do a partial hanging instead with the TV on full volume, and also i will leave all my things in a black bag in some corner outside. If i chicken-out or survive i just will go there to took up my things and go home, but if i die then all of that will be just trash.
Any problems with my methods or anything that I must consider?, If i die then what will happen with my things?.
These last weeks have been absolute hell mentally, i have meltdowns like daily and I'm just tired of postponing this thing for so much, honestly surviving another month, let alone another year seems like absolute hell and there is no f*--ing way I could go up to 29y as i firstly planned.
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