How self-centred are you?

[noname223]

I think I am pretty self-centred. Sometimes it is a blessing, sometimes it can be hell.

I worry so much about my own life so that I am not too emotional when I watch people in the news suffering. Like there is this phenomenon doomsscrolling.
Like I am always in this survival mode. It is similar to hyper-vigilance damn I always forget to ask my therapist concerning this.
I am not really affected when I read a huge amount of negative news stories. I rather relate to many stories or I feel affirmed that procreating in this brutal world is no good idea.

Though I don't want to say I am fully cold. Some stories still shock me like the self-immolation of a transwoman is my country. The way people treated her was heartbreaking. Or this recent story about the Ukraine soldier who was castrated and killed. I could puke when I hear story like that. The world is so rotten.
And I have noticed that I should not be active in this forum the whole day. Instead I mostly only use this forum in the evening because this is the time of the day when my depression is the worst.

Not sure if I am a narcissistic I rather doubt it. I have some issues but I don't really think I was an important person are other things. I don't like myself much but compared to other people I also don't hate myself in an extreme way (currently). I probably don't know enough about this condition. But no therapists said something in this direction.

I think I ruminate and overthink a lot. About my past, my present and the future. The fear is eating me alive. I think other people can live more agnostic about the future. Due to the fact the past was nightmarish and my brain is really fragile I am extremely scared about the future.
When I am paranoid I am extremely self-centred. But I think this is part of the defintion of a paranoid person. To perceive information in the way that the paranoid person thinks he or she is always the target for hatred, threats or other unpleasant stuff.

I always worry what people think about me. And I am overananlyzing social interactions. I feel the best when I can fulfil my OCD desires but when I fail my self-hatred is eating me alive. This is why I spend insane amount of energy on reaching my goals. Let's hope it won't backfire soon.

 

[darkwater]

I am interested in people who are close to me. But society or global issues are not interesting to me.
I know that we have to save CO2 but if one's personal standard of living suffers I am not willing to accept that. Also if immigration leads to the increase of crime I am not ready to accept that.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do think that I am mostly just focused on myself and things that directly affect me. After all I have to endure my existence and I am not living the lives of others. I think that if something doesn't directly have an impact on me or affects my life, I don't care a great deal. I think that it's just the way that I am. Of course I am horrified when I hear about others suffering, but at the same time it feels so distant (unless I fear it happening to me) as I am not experiencing it.

 

[Tortured Existence]

While my own pain and suffering can be extremely consuming, I have always had too much empathy, and a headline about the suffering of the innocent and helpless makes me bawl every time I'm exposed to it.

The atrocities humans commit against other humans and non-human beings was reason enough to want to leave this world, but now with the constant decline of my health and refusal of pain medication when I have no history of taking any much less abusing it, I'm more than done.

 

[Un-]

I don't even know how to answer this. I believe I'm a narcissist. It's always me, me, me. I hate that about myself.

I'm a very unsympathetic person. Callous, empty. I know that. I hate talking about it because people always assume I'm being edgy. I don't know. Lately, whenever I watch videos of people dying or shit, I find myself grinning, if not laughing.. Making jokes in my head. Squishing every little insect I come across. I'm a horrible person. I wish something would squish me out of my pathetic existence. I don't care about a lot of things and people. But the same thing applies to myself. I don't care about myself.

It's weird. I'm a self centered scum bag. But I also hate myself a lot. A walking paradox. A self hating narcissist, I guess. I don't know.

 

[Install-Gentoo]

I would be fine with the deaths of certain friends or family members if it somehow meant all my mental issues and real problems could go away. If I could live the life I dream about. The state of the world is still shit though, so maybe even then I would ctb but... yeah