Discussion How prejudiced are you?

[Forever Sleep]

Sorry everyone! I meant to post this in off topic. Mods- would you mind moving it please?

Do you hold certain (usually negative) views around whole groups of people? Or, do you try to give every individual a chance to suggest who they actually are? If you have prejudices- maybe picked up from family members, maybe via your own experiences- do you try to challenge them creeping in or, do you live by them? Do you look for patterns even? Will a few people acting in a particular way make you suspect all people in that group do? Or- that they secretly want to act that way- even if they don't?

I'll admit that I do have some prejudices floating around. I'll likely not think of them the instant I meet a new person but- if they start to behave in the same way- I'll pretty quickly conclude they are maybe typical of that 'type'. Which, I realise isn't terribly fair. I won't hopefully, treat them badly as a response but, I may try to avoid them.

My Grandma raised me with a slight waryness/ distrust of men and from what I've witnessed- maybe she was right to. That's not to say she was right in all instances of course. But, perhaps some prejudices serve to protect us.

What do you think? Is prejudice always bad? Is it bad to pass caution/ prejudice on? Should we be free to form our own prejudices? Can we even entirely stop them? Or, should we give everyone the same prejudice free chance from the start?

Prejudice sounds cruel but, I imagine it partly came about as a survival instinct. Does that person or creature look dangerous?

 

[martyrdom]

There's a difference between prejudice (irrational hatred or dislike of a particular group with constant confirmation bias and no meaningful chance to individuals) and pattern recognition (acknowledging repeated and consistent patterns of behavior across a particular group backed by statistics and being cautious about the danger while still not utterly and absolutely condemning every single individual of the group). With that logic I am not prejudiced at all but I do hate other men and I have good reasons for it.

 

[badatparties]

I'm very prejudiced against human beings. If you're not careful, they will seriously try to murder, rob, rape, torture, humiliate you etc. With that being said i believe in treating everyone with dignity and respect because we're all in this dump together.

 

[Lady_V]

I'm pretty prejudiced against men who watch anime.
Also gamers to a lesser extent.

 

[amor.dor]

"Cruelty has a Human Heart,
And Jealousy a Human Face;
Terror the Human Form Divine,
And Secrecy the Human Dress."
- William Blake

I'm suspicious of everyone; it's not prejudice or hatred, but rather that I'm constantly aware that anyone could harm me. That doesn't mean I'll be rude; I'll treat people well, but always expecting some misfortune to happen.

 

[daruino]

I feel like I've grown to be aware of prejudices in the world, and to "overcompensate" I'm very trusting of people, strangers I don't know.. because I don't want to be like that. I remember when I was out in public with my parent, and I'd see someone I knew they had a prejudice against, I'd be hyperaware of it, and sometimes still am. But I think it's sad theres so much division between people when we really are just all humans.. I try to stay openminded and be kind

Does that person or creature look dangerous?

Funny you mention this, a different skin color being a notable prejudice. Recently I saw a video detailing how, for example if there is a bombing in France, people will care (I live in europe), since it feels close by, and you might speak the language, share the same skintone, culture etc. However if something happens in Tanzania, people don't care, since there are seemingly more differences. It made me think, because the things I "share" with the people in France are quite arbitrary, but I do recognize I'd probably "care" more as opposed to activities in Tanzania,,

I guess, since you mentioned it, I have a certain prejudice against men too, but it's due to negative experiences in the past so I don't really mind as it kinda "protects" me in a way.. it doesn't really change how I interact with them at surface-level, but it definitely makes me cautious regarding closer friendships/relationships,. And perhaps it's also just more about worries I hold, I don't see them as inherently evil or something,,.

 

[Dejected 55]

Most people do, whether they realize it or not. You can have prejudices that you don't exercise consciously.

I try to at least be self-aware to realize my prejudices. I can't always overcome them... but I at least am aware of them, and acknowledge them as unfair.

For instance... whenever you eat at a restaurant where tips are expected... generally speaking an attractive waitress is going to get the best tips, especially if she is flirty with customers. Less attractive women get less in tips. I don't know how it parses for waiters, but there usually aren't as many waiters I've encountered at places... in part because the managers know attractive waitresses tend to get more tips and also tend to attract more repeat customers... so the hiring gets biased too.

SO... with that in mind... whenever I used to go out, I tended to be biased against the attractive waitress, especially if she was too flirty with me. I was always eating alone, so the tendency was for the waitress to give me extra attention because she knew I was alone and might appreciate it more. I'm not talking anything untoward... just she would spend the most time with a BIG table where the bill was going to be big, then the next most time with single men eating alone.

Anyway, I tipped based on the level of service I got... but I had a tendency to be a harsher critic of the attractive women, figuring they got more tips so if they were slacking off I didn't want to reward that. To this day, the single biggest amount and percentage of a tip I ever gave was actually to a waiter. The rare waiter I ever had... but that dude was on top of everything. I watched him attend to all his tables very well, and he didn't hover or bug but was always available when you needed him and handled special requests like a pro.

But somewhere along the way I realized while it was unfair to not tip pretty waitresses because I figured they got more by default... and often the less attractive waitress has to work much harder and still get stiffed on tips... I also realized it was unfair to have that prejudice and make assumptions. Maybe customers were stingy and stiffing all the staff and I was just adding to the pile.

Ultimately I curbed that prejudice and made the tips a minimum no matter what and then added according to how well they did their job and especially if they went above and beyond... not matter their appearance.

I have other prejudices that creep in sometimes. I try to take note of them and be aware of them even if I can't always move past them.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Most people do, whether they realize it or not. You can have prejudices that you don't exercise consciously.

I try to at least be self-aware to realize my prejudices. I can't always overcome them... but I at least am aware of them, and acknowledge them as unfair.

For instance... whenever you eat at a restaurant where tips are expected... generally speaking an attractive waitress is going to get the best tips, especially if she is flirty with customers. Less attractive women get less in tips. I don't know how it parses for waiters, but there usually aren't as many waiters I've encountered at places... in part because the managers know attractive waitresses tend to get more tips and also tend to attract more repeat customers... so the hiring gets biased too.

SO... with that in mind... whenever I used to go out, I tended to be biased against the attractive waitress, especially if she was too flirty with me. I was always eating alone, so the tendency was for the waitress to give me extra attention because she knew I was alone and might appreciate it more. I'm not talking anything untoward... just she would spend the most time with a BIG table where the bill was going to be big, then the next most time with single men eating alone.

Anyway, I tipped based on the level of service I got... but I had a tendency to be a harsher critic of the attractive women, figuring they got more tips so if they were slacking off I didn't want to reward that. To this day, the single biggest amount and percentage of a tip I ever gave was actually to a waiter. The rare waiter I ever had... but that dude was on top of everything. I watched him attend to all his tables very well, and he didn't hover or bug but was always available when you needed him and handled special requests like a pro.

But somewhere along the way I realized while it was unfair to not tip pretty waitresses because I figured they got more by default... and often the less attractive waitress has to work much harder and still get stiffed on tips... I also realized it was unfair to have that prejudice and make assumptions. Maybe customers were stingy and stiffing all the staff and I was just adding to the pile.

Ultimately I curbed that prejudice and made the tips a minimum no matter what and then added according to how well they did their job and especially if they went above and beyond... not matter their appearance.

I have other prejudices that creep in sometimes. I try to take note of them and be aware of them even if I can't always move past them.

It's never really something I thought about- being female- that waitresses would be tipped according to their looks. But you mentioning it now, I remember my God father once tipping excessively well because she was pretty- and good- to be fair. They were generous tippers regardless but, this made everyone raise their eyebrows.

I tend to just tip the expected percentage of the bill- unless the service was exceptionally terrible.

I can't say I'm keen on the whole culture of tipping though. The expectation anyway. It's weird the way it's become attached to certain jobs. My own stupid fault but I try to go above and beyond for my job. So- I regularly work more hours than I'm paid for. I tend to think- as I'm handing over my money- there's every likelihood you're earning more per hour than me! Wouldn't it be nice if we all got a tip for exceeding expectations?

 

[Dejected 55]

It's never really something I thought about- being female- that waitresses would be tipped according to their looks. But you mentioning it now, I remember my God father once tipping excessively well because she was pretty- and good- to be fair. They were generous tippers regardless but, this made everyone raise their eyebrows.

I tend to just tip the expected percentage of the bill- unless the service was exceptionally terrible.

I can't say I'm keen on the whole culture of tipping though. The expectation anyway. It's weird the way it's become attached to certain jobs. My own stupid fault but I try to go above and beyond for my job. So- I regularly work more hours than I'm paid for. I tend to think- as I'm handing over my money- there's every likelihood you're earning more per hour than me! Wouldn't it be nice if we all got a tip for exceeding expectations?

Yeah, tipping is a whole conversation unto itself. I don't like what it has become.

In the early days, tipping would have been either something you gave extra as an incentive to get better service or priority or something OR a complete bonus given to someone who you thought went above and beyond their required duties.

However, it has long been a way for employers to shift the burden of paying their employees onto customers. It isn't just that employers don't pay what an employee is worth to their business... but (at least in the USA) the fact that tipped employees have a special classification that allows employers to pay them less than the otherwise minimum wage! So, a tipped employee doesn't even have a guaranteed salary of the already paltry minimum wage in most parts of the country.

And society in general piles on if you don't tip well... like you somehow are responsible for that person's wages... the employer has successfully somehow shifted the expectations on that burden and even the waiter/waitress will be mad at customers for not tipping rather than being mad at the employer!

I always tip for good service, and when I can't afford to tip well then I don't go out to eat in the first place. But, when you go to a place where you have to place an order and wait for your server to bring you everything... I feel like a minimal level of service should be included in the price of the food you ordered. I mean, if they allowed me the option of getting my food and drinks and cleaning my own table, then I could do that. Lots of restaurants have that as the model and you don't tip there and the employer has to pay his employees a fairer wage for their work.

I feel guilty sometimes because I know how the system works and servers depend on good tips for actual wages... but you also don't know which places pool the tips and divide them among staff VS the places where your tip goes directly to your server. Also, some places the employer actually takes a cut from the tip too.

Point is... places should be paying their workers fair wages, and not getting the tip cheat code to pay them less. In that environment, employees would be more apt to perform better and then with tips truly optional they might get less from some customers, but the tradition would carry on and in the end they'd have a more reliable pay structure where they can know their bills are going to be covered even if tips are light.

But yeah... men tend to tip higher to attractive women servers. Women tend to tip higher to women servers they believe might be in need of the money, whether the server is more or less attractive. So a waitress tends to get more tips than a waiter in general, with the more attractive ones trending higher. Environment plays a part of course. In a strip club, whether it be male or female workers, they are going to get better tips because of the environment created to supremely encourage tipping. Vs a restaurant where some people just go there to eat and tip minimally whether they like their waiter/waitress or not.

 

[Quantum_Marten0302]

Im very prejudiced and no its not bad or cruel

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I agree it's no doubt a product of evolution and is important for survival. As we all know life is brutal and any advantage helps. When it comes to people, we feel differently for some reason. I'm not saying it's bad or wrong, just curious when stopping to think about it. To me, it's just a tool, like a hammer. Whether it's "good" or "bad" depends on how it's used. Build a doghouse = good. Kill an innocent person = bad. For example. Being a man, I'll pick on men. I think it's reasonable to maintain a healthy suspicion of men in general because a lot of us are stupid jerks. I've warned my daughter many times to not get drunk around men. At the same time, give a guy a chance before you toss him in the "another stupid man" bucket. Is prejudice good or bad... the answer is Yes, use it wisely.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah, tipping is a whole conversation unto itself. I don't like what it has become.

In the early days, tipping would have been either something you gave extra as an incentive to get better service or priority or something OR a complete bonus given to someone who you thought went above and beyond their required duties.

However, it has long been a way for employers to shift the burden of paying their employees onto customers. It isn't just that employers don't pay what an employee is worth to their business... but (at least in the USA) the fact that tipped employees have a special classification that allows employers to pay them less than the otherwise minimum wage! So, a tipped employee doesn't even have a guaranteed salary of the already paltry minimum wage in most parts of the country.

And society in general piles on if you don't tip well... like you somehow are responsible for that person's wages... the employer has successfully somehow shifted the expectations on that burden and even the waiter/waitress will be mad at customers for not tipping rather than being mad at the employer!

I always tip for good service, and when I can't afford to tip well then I don't go out to eat in the first place. But, when you go to a place where you have to place an order and wait for your server to bring you everything... I feel like a minimal level of service should be included in the price of the food you ordered. I mean, if they allowed me the option of getting my food and drinks and cleaning my own table, then I could do that. Lots of restaurants have that as the model and you don't tip there and the employer has to pay his employees a fairer wage for their work.

I feel guilty sometimes because I know how the system works and servers depend on good tips for actual wages... but you also don't know which places pool the tips and divide them among staff VS the places where your tip goes directly to your server. Also, some places the employer actually takes a cut from the tip too.

Point is... places should be paying their workers fair wages, and not getting the tip cheat code to pay them less. In that environment, employees would be more apt to perform better and then with tips truly optional they might get less from some customers, but the tradition would carry on and in the end they'd have a more reliable pay structure where they can know their bills are going to be covered even if tips are light.

But yeah... men tend to tip higher to attractive women servers. Women tend to tip higher to women servers they believe might be in need of the money, whether the server is more or less attractive. So a waitress tends to get more tips than a waiter in general, with the more attractive ones trending higher. Environment plays a part of course. In a strip club, whether it be male or female workers, they are going to get better tips because of the environment created to supremely encourage tipping. Vs a restaurant where some people just go there to eat and tip minimally whether they like their waiter/waitress or not.

I've heard that restaurants use the excuse of tips not to pay staff enough but then- they must be receiving minimum wage I would imagine. Not great to live on but then, lots of other jobs pay that too. Maybe they've found loopholes around it though.

I once applied for a cruiseline job. They pay terribly. Their reasoning being they provide you with food (mostly pasta apparently) and board. A shoebox sized cabin you have to share. A friend of mine did it for a bit and she said they were next to the morgue! One wall was very cold and they could hear the trolleys moving about as the ship moved.

I read a really terrifying story once about capital punishment- that the executioner would insist on bribes to make it a clean kill.

 

[Dejected 55]

I've heard that restaurants use the excuse of tips not to pay staff enough but then- they must be receiving minimum wage I would imagine. Not great to live on but then, lots of other jobs pay that too. Maybe they've found loopholes around it though.

I'm using slightly old data because I don't have current data since these sorts of things always lag... but for the states where minimum wage was $7.25 per hour, the minimum wage for tipped workers was $2.13 per hour. Minimum wage has been raised in many states and a few states don't allow the lower tipped-worker minimum anymore... but it depends on where you live and work.

Employers basically are supposed to, as I understand it, ensure you get at lease minimum wage BUT they count your tips against that... so... all your tips are counted up and averaged out over your hours to see if your tips were enough to get you to the higher minimum wage, IF so then your employer pays you the $2.13 minimum and you get your tips... but if you do not make enough tips to get to the minimum wage, the employer pays the difference to get you to that wage. Of course, IF that happens very often, the employer is likely to fire you and hire someone else that hopefully will get more tips and allow the employer to pay you much less.

As states raise the minimum wage and more exclude that lower minimum for tipped workers, things will improve over time... but it has taken a long time just to move a few inches in that regard.