Discussion How many of you are here because of eating disorders?

[anorexiakilledme]

My life would have otherwise been fine had I not developed a severe anorexia at the start of puberty, for me, having to deal with lifelong consequences for a mental illness I had at a young age is not something I can live with, I feel less than human. I wanted to know if someone has a similar experience. For me, suicide is something I truly believe I have to do rather than something I want. I did have a tendency to isolate myself for a long time but knowing I'll never be normal is what pushed me over the edge.

 

[HangMan123]

Well, the fact that you put the word "believe" in there means that you committing isn't set in stone. (If it were, you'd omit that word). Even if you dismiss it as a coincidence or mistake, it's your subconscious feelings surfacing.
And you shouldn't be ashamed of that. It's good because you never truly have to do anything in life (besides die, ironically). You could run nude through the streets right now, but you don't have to because that doesn't make any sense. Suicide is the same way. While I don't disrespect your choice, you should at least acknowledge that it's not the only way out.

 

[anorexiakilledme]

Well, the fact that you put the word "believe" in there means that you committing isn't set in stone. (If it were, you'd omit that word). Even if you dismiss it as a coincidence or mistake, it's your subconscious feelings surfacing.
And you shouldn't be ashamed of that. It's good because you never truly have to do anything in life (besides die, ironically). You could run nude through the streets right now, but you don't have to because that doesn't make any sense. Suicide is the same way. While I don't disrespect your choice, you should at least acknowledge that it's not the only way out.

I appreciate the input, honestly that's just how I talk in my daily life, "I believe X" for my political and religious beliefs, and you're partly right, I reckon someone else on here may see my situation and not truly think this is something I should kill myself for, but it's just how I am as a person, I can't tolerate the fact that my shortcomings are completely my fault here, so either I cough up the ridiculous sum needed for treatment and procedures to correct every complication that came of this or I could ctb.

 

[fallingbehind]

Honestly, I cant say its the reason "why" but it has contributed to my general feelings of uselessness over the years I think.

 

[ih34rty0u]

i was suicidal before i developed an ed but it definitely made things worse. anorexia made me lose all my high school friends and fail my first year of uni. i developed physical health issues that can never be cured (gastroparesis and stomach issues in general.) right now it's not as bad as it used to be but im still couting calories, overexercising, etc. and obviously, im missing out on a lot of stuff because i think im too fat.

 

[FoxSauce]

Well here beacuse of that not necessarily
Like at the pandemic to the point I was losing hair , my skin turned yellow (earing to many carrots. My bones started showing.

It wasnt diagnosed no. But lasted a year or maybe more. I cant comfirm yea is an ED, I refused to even see a psychologist back cuz I honesntly thought it wasnt that bad.

But I counting everything I ate. Exercised as psunishment and well yeah. I did realized the huet I was causing but I dont think the ever goes away. Im am afraid still of being how I was before.

 

[lovelove416]

My life would have otherwise been fine had I not developed a severe anorexia at the start of puberty, for me, having to deal with lifelong consequences for a mental illness I had at a young age is not something I can live with, I feel less than human. I wanted to know if someone has a similar experience. For me, suicide is something I truly believe I have to do rather than something I want. I did have a tendency to isolate myself for a long time but knowing I'll never be normal is what pushed me over the edge.

Sorry if you saw my emojis changing a ton. I kept clicking the wrong one.

 

[Mothz]

For me, my eating disorder is more-so an addition to my suicidal thoughts rather than a cause. I have all these other thoughts that pile up and when I feel guilty eating and feel like I am so pathetic that I haven't earned my food, its just something that adds onto it. It makes them worse but once again isn't the root cause for them

 

[Seneca65AD]

My binge eating is a symptom of my mental issues and not the cause. When I get my head straight, I work out, eat healthy and feel better. Then life delivers a massive kick in the gonads and I am back to binge eating. It is a cycle but one brought by a lack of "grit" that seems to permeate my life.

 

[Lady_V]

There was a time my eating disorders made me feel so depressed. I'll never be normal, I will always be alone with this.
I was in recovery for years (now have relapsed though), and I don't feel the same way anymore. I am convinced this is going to kill me. I'm not even fighting it anymore, so I can't feel like a failure for it now. I've moved to state of acceptance and am just carrying on now.

 

[overtakee]

My life would have otherwise been fine had I not developed a severe anorexia at the start of puberty, for me, having to deal with lifelong consequences for a mental illness I had at a young age is not something I can live with, I feel less than human. I wanted to know if someone has a similar experience. For me, suicide is something I truly believe I have to do rather than something I want. I did have a tendency to isolate myself for a long time but knowing I'll never be normal is what pushed me over the edge.

i definitely relate to you, my eating disorder (anorexia) started really early on and i feel like this is what sent me into a spiral of everything else that came afterwards relating to mental health. it fucked with my development, sleep, self confidence and honestly everything else. i think it just kind of kickstarted it all and the worst thing is you truly cant do anything about it, especially when it happened at such an early and vulnerable point in life. and you have to live your whole life facing the consequences for it as if it werent worse enough already. its like another cruel punishment of life for nothing, and i seriously cant help but think that ctb is the only way out.

 

[turtle2]

Eating disorders are definitely what brought me here.

I could have dealt with depression, or autism/cptsd/whatever the fuck is wrong with me, or anorexia and bulimia, but not with all three at the same time.

It's a special kind of torture. And there's no cure, healthcare professional provide no solution except "go to therapy". It's a hole, even on good days I genuinely do not see any way out.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I had a great healthy diet most of my life. I was jacked from lifting even after my competitive athletic career ended. I took care of myself as recently as late summer. But my eating is certainly disordered now. Nothing at home, no shopping, no planning, a lot of fast food and convenience store donuts and hot dogs, fasting long stretches until hunger makes me go get my junk.

 

[zdeweilx]

I think the main cause of me being suicidal is not my eating disorder but it is definitely linked. I can go for days without eating a single thing without even noticing it which obviously makes me feel way worse.

 

[goldenwitch]

For me it was backwards, I developed anorexia to slowly commit suicide. Though I think I am on the path towards recovery in that regard. But yea I resonate with your feelings too, EDs are hellish. They aren't something that'll make you suffer, just make your life bleak and make you completely apathetic.

 

[BillyBob]

For me it was backwards, I developed anorexia to slowly commit suicide. Though I think I am on the path towards recovery in that regard. But yea I resonate with your feelings too, EDs are hellish. They aren't something that'll make you suffer, just make your life bleak and make you completely apathetic.

Depends on the ED personally lol.
I have anorexia nervosa and it is hell. Have to walk a certain distance each day even though my body feels like it is on fire form breaking down the muscle. (About 3 hours of walking a day, no matter the weather)
Not able to eat anything at all without being sick. Last time I kept down any sort of a meal was over 2 years ago and now I am still stuck in a binge cycle ontop.
It hurts and is torture.

 

[goldenwitch]

Depends on the ED personally lol.
I have anorexia nervosa and it is hell. Have to walk a certain distance each day even though my body feels like it is on fire form breaking down the muscle. (About 3 hours of walking a day, no matter the weather)
Not able to eat anything at all without being sick. Last time I kept down any sort of a meal was over 2 years ago and now I am still stuck in a binge cycle ontop.
It hurts and is torture.

True + different people react to pain differently

Organ pain made me want to recover I fucked my kidneys + digestive system uppp. The physical pain can be torturous. I was talking moreso about emotional pain, for me that wasnt too severe, just a dulling sense of emptiness, though i might be an outlier here.

 

[Jisatsu]

It's something that doesn't help ... bit not the main reason

 

[whiskeyblanket]

I recovered from anorexia about nine years ago (it's been a process). My suicidal ideation came first, and my ed manifested as a desire to disappear. I had also gone completely sober around the time it developed, so I had no coping mechanism other than restricting. It definitely made things worse at the time. Even now, the lasting gastrointestinal issues I developed from my ed are a small part of why I want to ctb now.