Discussion How long have you been suicidal?

[failedmind]

I started having thoughts of it when I was maybe 8 years old. Everyone would be happy and smiling and laughing at school and all I could think about is how much I didn't wanna be here anymore, or that it would be such a relief if I could just disappear.

I'll be 25 soon.

 

[whywere]

Since the day that I was born

Found out that mental health issues REALLY run in my "family".

Got kicked out the day after I turned 18, never heard or saw my "parents" again, 100% their choice and now I at least have an inkling why. They had massive issues!!

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

since early 2011
more seriously in:
early 2019
late 2024
late 2025 (most, think I might really do it)

 

[itsgone2]

First thought in high school, probably 35 years ago. Nothing serious. Then more serious a few times starting around 20 years ago. This episode started early September and it's been the worst one. Circumstances are bad and I'm just tired of fighting. A poorly lived life and also some bad luck. It's all I think about

 

[HansaNull]

I started noticing it at 16 when i moved out. Gotten good at pretending everything is a-ok over the years, feels like i'm in a video game at times.
My family doesn't know what mental health is, so that's that

 

[sonnyw]

I think I was born depressed. Even when I was a kid I was miserable... when I was in the kindergarten I watched others having fun while I would spend all the time crying alone. If I look at my childhood pictures there isn't a single picture in which I'm smiling because I look depressed in all of them. Then in elementary school, I was bullied, and at the age of 9 I looked down from the window and thought about suicide for the first time. I remember this because I asked my brother how tall he thought it was, and he scolded me for the question.

 

[failedmind]

I think I was born depressed. Even when I was a kid I was miserable... when I was in the kindergarten I watched others having fun while I would spend all the time crying alone. If I look at my childhood pictures there isn't a single picture in which I'm smiling because I look depressed in all of them. Then in elementary school, I was bullied, and at the age of 9 I looked down from the window and thought about suicide for the first time.

I relate so much. I was looking through my childhood pictures this morning and in all of them, I just look depressed. Im sorry

 

[sonnyw]

I relate so much. I was looking through my childhood pictures this morning and in all of them, I just look depressed. Im sorry

I'm very sorry about it. Do you think there's a reason why you started having these thoughts this young, if I may ask? For example I don't think I really had a reason to be depressed besides the fact that I didn't have any friends. In reality, though, I think that back then I didn't have any friends because I was depressed and the other kids could sense my negativity, and not the other way around (depressed because I had no friends). Perhaps a deeply negative event, like a trauma, occurred during my early childhood and my brain suppressed the memory.

 

[Jisatsu]

Since I was 10

 

[FrustratedGirl]

I can't remember when the feeling that I don't belong here and don't want to be here started. Probably since I started to think, at the latest with eight.
But the idea and the first concrete thoughts that I actually want to be dead and could suicide came up when I was 16.
I'm now 23.

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

Suicides been on my mind for years and years and years but only had my first attempts late 2024 >w<

 

[UserFromNowhere]

Passive suicidal ideation, not wanting to exist, all probably dates back to isolated periods of time from when I was a child till now. Actually considering it an option and researching it happened sometime this year.

 

[Siamese Believe]

Since I was 13, my first plan was gonna be jumping off my back porch. But I knew that it wouldn't be high enough to be fatal. I didn't make another plan until many years later but had consistent ideation.

 

[OzymandiAsh]

6 to 7 years. Wasn't suicidal until adulthood and health problems.

Pretty crazy how young some of you were when you were first suicidal. I had a big bout of melancholic depression in my teens, but it wasn't suicidal.

 

[LeGuitarist]

I first remember having suicidal ideation around the age of 11 or so. Around 13, it turned into active ideation, rather than just daydreaming about death. It's been so long now that I barely remember what it was like before I was suicidal. I vaguely remember being scared of death around the age of 9-10, but after that I've embraced it. This is just my life now

 

[Oreki]

Ever since I was around ten, I've felt as if I didn't quite belong in this world. I realised it early on, but over the years I learned to push the thought aside, convincing myself that things would eventually get better. To be honest, over the past few months my thoughts have been drifting into darker, suicidal territor which is fairly recent

 

[Abandoned Phantom]

Fleeting moments since high school around 2010 or so, got a little more frequent over the next couple years. "would i be better off dead?" then the thought goes away. They subsided for a while. Started creeping back in slowly about 5 years ago. Big jump in frequency over the past couple years. Now daily.

 

[FuneralCry]

I've always wished to not exist as I'd just never wish for something as torturous and futile as existence, to me existence just feels like a mistake and it's one that just causes endless amounts of suffering. For me non-existence is just all that's positive and as long as I exist I'll just hope for the peace of non-existence where I'm no longer burdened with this painful, cruel existence that just causes harm and suffering with no limit as to how much one can be tortured, for me existence itself is the true problem, I just hope and wish for permanent peace from it, I just hope to be permanently unconscious with all forgotten about.

 

[agarthacel]

I started having thoughts of it when I was maybe 8 years old. Everyone would be happy and smiling and laughing at school and all I could think about is how much I didn't wanna be here anymore, or that it would be such a relief if I could just disappear.

I'll be 25 soon.

Ever since i gained consciousness tbh

 

[natori]

For more than 5 minutes at least.

I can't recall the precise moment, but it was many years, perhaps even decades ago when the thought first occurred to me. It has remained in the background of my consciousness ever since, though its intensity fluctuates in waves.

 

[WrathfulGloom32]

12 years old and serious thoughts 15+

 

[voivi]

Nearly 20 years in general, but this time around maybe serious thoughts for the past two years?

 

[Defenestration]

2004

 

[DarkJason]

I've been consistently suicidal since I was 13, but I had my first suicidal fantasies when I was 12.

 

[EternallyCold]

I started having thoughts of it when I was maybe 8 years old. Everyone would be happy and smiling and laughing at school and all I could think about is how much I didn't wanna be here anymore, or that it would be such a relief if I could just disappear.

I'll be 25 soon.

Probably ever since I was 9. I just learnt what suicide was, and I was being bullied in school. I thought about killing myself and what my bullies' reactions would be. The thoughts got worse when I started cutting myself when I was 12, and now at 18 I'm actually going to do it.

 

[SomeAdvice]

I just checked to see when I created my sn. It was started in 2017, but I have been feeling this way a lot longer. I don't want any part of this life.

 

[uzl lover]

since march

 

[littlecutecorpse]

first thought of it since i was 14-15. later had more serious thoughts about it until i eventually became actively suicidal for a brief period around age 16. just a few months ago have i been actively suicidal again and hope to ctb next month

 

[EternalShore]

I'm so sorry to hear how many of us felt like that from such young ages~ :( It's truly terrible how this cruel world can even get children to feel that way~ :( For myself, I got depression at 15 and became sewer slidal at 18~ :)

 

[the_seer]

I can't remember anything in detail, but I still remember my sister asking me when I was around 10: "Have you ever wished to kill yourself"
And I lied and said "no"