How do you know when it’s time to ctb?

[cyan]

How do you know when it's time to follow through and ctb? Is It when you feel peace about it and are no longer emotional about leaving? Is it when you no longer question this choice but fully accept it? For those of you who are close, how do you know it's time?

 

[ecmnesia]

i think I'm close to it, more than I've ever been at least, but i would definitely not say that i do not question it anymore, in fact, i have more doubts than ever, the thing is, i don't care about the answers anymore.

the closer i get to it, the more I fear it, i started to question the bases of beliefs I've been holding for years, and I am scared, i won't lie, but whatever it is that will happen i am ok with it.

at the same time, i feel at ease, almost at peace. things are just not as hard as before.

i am still very emotional about it, last night I thought about the words I will write in my letter, and I cried like a baby. i don't feel sad about it tho. i accepted that this is how things are and that all of those feelings are temporary. soon I won't feel a thing.

 

[Arthaniel]

I cannot feel anything but pain, suffer and fear. All day, and all night. I can't live, i lost my hobby, i almost dont eat. All i can think is my collapsed life. From few weeks i thinking about ctb, and then i feel calmed. I think the time, when only positive thinking is about escape, that time is cimming.

 

[Dizzy_Dreams]

I cannot feel anything but pain, suffer and fear. All day, and all night. I can't live, i lost my hobby, i almost dont eat. All i can think is my collapsed life. From few weeks i thinking about ctb, and then i feel calmed. I think the time, when only positive thinking is about escape, that time is cimming.

do you think there's an afterlife?

 

[Lordsudbury]

I thought I was ready tonight after having multiple breakdowns in the gym this evening. My emotions combined with the pump was so intense. All my emotions flare up and corner me. Those "I can't do this anymore" thoughts come flying in.

So for me the time to do it is when I have too many of these and I can't take it anymore. Who knows.

 

[Arthaniel]

do you think there's an afterlife?

I belive, and i hope not. No heaven, no hell, no soul. Your brain dying and its over.

 

[muffin222]

You feel at peace with your decision and you don't need to use alcohol or drugs to suppress your survival instinct. The thought of CTB fills you with a sense of calm and peace, and you don't need to talk yourself into it. You just know within that this is the route you want to take and nothing can stop you. If something does stop you, be it survival instinct, other people, your own doubts, possibilities for your future, hope, crippling anxiety, or uncertainty, then I believe it's not your time.