How do you deal with regret or prevent it?

[Kramer]

I'm regretting so much from my 20s, but at the time, I thought my decisions were smart. I passed up many women for various reasons. Only one reason turned out to be bad. I thought what if this one gives me an std and then I meet someone great in the future but can't be with her because of it? I'm in my 30s. There was no great person around the corner.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm basically you in your 20s from what it sounds like. Even in my late teens I apparently also passed over lots of ladies who might have had a thing for me but I was too focused on the one girl that I had been infatuated with since I was 11 and only got over when I was 20. From 21 to 26 I had been pining over a different girl who came into my life only to get swept into focusing on someone else just a couple months ago only for THAT to die out too despite how close she seemed to being perfect for me. I have my regrets, but they're more about how getting my hopes up was a bad idea in the first place.

Since you're older than me, unfortunately I have even less of an idea what to do about this regret than you would... I can only imagine how awful it must be for you when the agony I already face is going to get even worse when I reach my 30s. My goal is to CTB before that can happen because at this point I know that my regrets are weighing me down and have turned me into a bitter, love-hungry monster who's probably exhausted all its chances.

 

[Kramer]

I'm basically you in your 20s from what it sounds like. Even in my late teens I apparently also passed over lots of ladies who might have had a thing for me but I was too focused on the one girl that I had been infatuated with since I was 11 and only got over when I was 20. From 21 to 26 I had been pining over a different girl who came into my life only to get swept into focusing on someone else just a couple months ago only for THAT to die out too despite how close she seemed to being perfect for me. I have my regrets, but they're more about how getting my hopes up was a bad idea in the first place.

Since you're older than me, unfortunately I have even less of an idea what to do about this regret than you would... I can only imagine how awful it must be for you when the agony I already face is going to get even worse when I reach my 30s. My goal is to CTB before that can happen because at this point I know that my regrets are weighing me down and have turned me into a bitter, love-hungry monster who's probably exhausted all its chances.

I'm early 30s. I don't see myself having another chance with a woman in the next year at least. Cashiers, store employees, receptionists, and nurses I've tried. I've only tried ones I've seen regularly. I got some numbers but it fizzled out fast or never took off.

So two obsessions for you?

 

[Sensei]

Zen Buddhism taught me how to not dwell on the past. However, it was a long process and probably not what you're looking for.

 

[Kramer]

Zen Buddhism taught me how to not dwell on the past. However, it was a long process and probably not what you're looking for.

Problem is there's nothing to distract me in the present. I'm just in a room all day. Outside isn't much better.

 

[Mr2005]

I can't. I did the worst thing I possibly could have done and it gets worse every year

 

[VivaldiBR]

You have to forgive yourself. You must be aware that in the past you had a different consciousness.

Self-compassion is important in this process. It is a difficult path, obviously.

I also have a lot of regrets. I know how excruciating the guilt is. It tears us apart.

 

[LooksAtMoonDog]

1. I only live in the present.

2. I don't concern myself with things I can't control.*

*The best insight I got from reading about Stoicism.

 

[Deleted member 94]

I'm early 30s. I don't see myself having another chance with a woman in the next year at least. Cashiers, store employees, receptionists, and nurses I've tried. I've only tried ones I've seen regularly. I got some numbers but it fizzled out fast or never took off.

So two obsessions for you?

What is it that they say better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. You should be glad that you got to experience love, rather than me "The Loveless".

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

So two obsessions for you?

Yes...might be three now...

What is it that they say better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. You should be glad that you got to experience love, rather than me "The Loveless".

In my case I don't believe I experienced true love though since it was mostly one sided and never led to anything more.

 

[Kramer]

What is it that they say better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. You should be glad that you got to experience love, rather than me "The Loveless".

What love? I've never experienced that. I haven't even had sex in years. Getting a number every couple years that leads to a month or so of texting isn't love.