how do i convince Man to want me

[louboutinsuicide]

my bf is probably dead set on splitting up this time (this is break up number #1542 in 5 month period). i don't want him to do that. i moved into a house where he was in it already with roommates and we have been discussing moving out. i need to devise something.

i found a place i can move to probably before he gets back from work tomorrow. plan is leaving a letter but no idea what to put on it. no idea if silence will bring him back or bombarding him, he has told me he likes toxic effort like if i showed up to his work or fucking something.

but then i heard he's impulse moving into a place way above budget just for the sake of not being around i guess. i am afraid he will take me leaving first as complete abandonment when i just need him to understand we need some time separately to work on ourselves before reconvening. i fucking love the fuck out of this fucking specimen he's warped it in his mind to believe i have wanted to cheat and eat him like praying mantis this entire time. it hurts it hurts. i just need some Machiavellian type advice

 

[behindtheveil]

Hey sorry for the pain you are in. Do you love the guy?

 

[SnaileyBailey]

It sounds like he gets really jealous when you talk to or show affection for other men.

If you really want him, maybe discuss that you're willing to set boundaries for yourself and want to change? And prove that you can change?

 

[dragon.//]

I was in a relationship before and we broke up and got back together very often, its not something you wanna continue to be trapped in.

 

[Hvergelmir]

i just need some Machiavellian type advice

Are you sure that Machiavelli's works is the right place to look for relationship advice?
I don't know his work in-depth, and I know even less about your personal interpretation of it, but it sounds misguided.

My advice would be transparency, with the goal to align your lives into a sustainable pattern. Talk to him.
As far as I know, Machiavelli is about the opposite, to control through uncertainty. I don't think healthy, stable relationships can be built like that. I've also never seen temporary separation (some time off) work out.

 

[orpheus_]

i just need him to understand we need some time separately to work on ourselves before reconvening

I just saw your other post and I think that this is probably a good idea, I mean it did work in my relationship. Doesn't have to be complete isolation, it can just be lowering the stakes and staying in "casual friends who see each other once in a while" status, but it depends on what would work better in your case.

My advice would be transparency, with the goal to align your lives into a sustainable pattern. Talk to him.
As far as I know, Machiavelli is about the opposite, to control through uncertainty. I don't think healthy, stable relationships can be built like that.

Also seconding this.

 

[louboutinsuicide]

I just saw your other post and I think that this is probably a good idea, I mean it did work in my relationship. Doesn't have to be complete isolation, it can just be lowering the stakes and staying in "casual friends who see each other once in a while" status, but it depends on what would work better in your case.

Also seconding this.

Are you sure that Machiavelli's works is the right place to look for relationship advice?
I don't know his work in-depth, and I know even less about your personal interpretation of it, but it sounds misguided.

My advice would be transparency, with the goal to align your lives into a sustainable pattern. Talk to him.
As far as I know, Machiavelli is about the opposite, to control through uncertainty. I don't think healthy, stable relationships can be built like that. I've also never seen temporary separation (some time off) work out.

both are difficult when i have been blocked on everything even before i moved out. i should have cornered him and tried to speak to him and help him understand my intentions with this. im not sure my letter drove the point across. now im either supposed to wait for him to respond or show up to the house we were supposed to live together in

 

[pelicanportal]

What if you could afford to live without this guy?

 

[louboutinsuicide]

What if you could afford to live without this guy?

financially? that'd be great. but i would most likely have to go back to selling myself in some form