Venting How do I bypass the fear of making and losing friends?

[Panna]

In the 28 years of life, I've had three friends, ones that I really could get close to, yet they all have moved on in various ways. One who decided that he was gay, and just refused to talk to me anymore, one who died from his cancer, and the last who I've talked about before, died slitting his wrists and feeling the ecstasy of the blood pouring from his arms like he wanted. In all three cases, though the end differs, they have left me behind. Maybe it was my fault, I have trouble continuing anything with my adhd despite craving it. This includes conversations or games or anything really. I'm scared of it happening again and again. I know that in the end it's inenvitable, and more to the point I understand that life in general is just a crossroad, where we all stop at times to take shelter from the rain before moving onwards again. During that brief time we get to know each other, more so then we might mean to or care to, but when it ends its over. I know that it most likely is me, I say the pretty words, the pathetic words of encouragement, but I don't have the conviction to move past that point. I never bring the meat and potatoes where it matters most, and it's just so depressing as hell.

 

[Eren]

I understand you, it is very difficult for me to maintain friendships, even online, people end up leaving me sooner or later.

I honestly don't know what advice to give you, since I always have that fear, I can only tell you that if you need to talk you can send me a PM.