How can I poison myself so I can stay off from college for a couple of weeks?

[Reapentence]

I'm 18 from the UK currently in Year 13. My mental health has been deteriorating recently to the point where simple tasks are very strenuous. I need a couple of weeks to get myself back together, but unfortunately my school would literally laugh at me if I asked for time off for mental health reasons. So my question is, how the fuck do I make myself ill? I can't "fake" it by the way.

 

[Reapentence]

bump

 

[CFLoser]

Buy the lowest quality raw meat you can find, let it sit outside overnight in a garden, eat it.

 

[Dracovern]

Buy the lowest quality raw meat you can find, let it sit outside overnight in a garden, eat it.

Pretty much this. Nobody will likely beleive you "accidentally" ingested poison. Food poisoning on the other hand happens ALL the time.

You will get sick, but be prepared for those consequences, it's not going to be a relaxing vacation you will be vomiting, diarrhea, nauseated, cramped, chronic pain, headaches, even some serious side effects, but you're intentionally doing it so you shouldn't be unaware of health issues that arise.

IMO the best way to do it is to get regular raw meat like beef or something, let it sit out for a bit(find some that will expire soon), freeze it, then let it thaw.

I however do not recommend any of this though but if you want general food poisoning it may be the best option for "getting sick" for a short period of time with serious enough health issues that warrants you to be absent from class. It's actually somewhat difficult to manually poison yourself, faking it wont get you too much time off at best, but with this you can get a doctors note. Again, this method is still iffy and can lead to serious health issues, you could always just try eating expired foods in general, I wouldn't recommend self poisoning though only because it can be more serious than expected and it's very unsatisfying.

 

[CFLoser]

Pretty much this. Nobody will likely beleive you "accidentally" ingested poison. Food poisoning on the other hand happens ALL the time.

You will get sick, but be prepared for those consequences, it's not going to be a relaxing vacation you will be vomiting, diarrhea, nauseated, cramped, chronic pain, headaches, even some serious side effects, but you're intentionally doing it so you shouldn't be unaware of health issues that arise.

IMO the best way to do it is to get regular raw meat like beef or something, let it sit out for a bit(find some that will expire soon), freeze it, then let it thaw.

I however do not recommend any of this though but if you want general food poisoning it may be the best option for "getting sick" for a short period of time with serious enough health issues that warrants you to be absent from class. It's actually somewhat difficult to manually poison yourself, faking it wont get you too much time off at best, but with this you can get a doctors note. Again, this method is still iffy and can lead to serious health issues, you could always just try eating expired foods in general, I wouldn't recommend self poisoning though only because it can be more serious than expected and it's very unsatisfying.

If you freeze it the bacteria will die.

The meat needs some kind of ant or fly to lay egg first, just eating it raw won't work most likely

 

[Dracovern]

If you freeze it the bacteria will die.

The meat needs some kind of ant or fly to lay egg first, just eating it raw won't work most likely

This is just info I got from a friend. He lives in sweden, he ate raw meat (it's a diet thing, he's never had issues before and never gotten sick either). He froze it, it went bad somehow at some point in time, and he ate it and got sick.

 

[waived]

Definitely give second thought to giving yourself food poisoning and eating raw meat.

 

[Exile]

Is there a crisis line or someone at the NHS you could contact to get a legitimate note that doesn't provide details of your illness? Eating bad meat won't help you relax and get ready to return. Quite the opposite, in fact.

 

[Endless]

Can you not get a medical certificate from your doctor saying you need time off for a 'medical condition'? None of their business what it is and you don't need to disclose, that's what they always put on medical certificates here.