Help How can I keep going for the next couple months?

[wishingonstars]

I am really really struggling right now, I feel like the time is coming that I just give up on everything. It is so painful to just exist and my ability to keep myself together in public is rapidly declining. I have been calling off of work at least one day a week for probably the past month and don't know how much longer I have it in me to keep going at all.

I was hoping to get my meds adjusted soon but my doctor told me she was not comfortable with doing big changes and referred me to a psychiatrist and I won't be able to get in for probably at least another month. My therapist gave me a couple recommendations for ketamine therapy which seems really promising but I feel like they'll want me to be a bit more stable before beginning if they even have appointments available soon anyway.

Last thing that my therapist is also looking into is a longer maybe month long therapy program. I am wondering if anyone here has experience with intensive therapy programs? Did they help? If I could get into some sort of mental health treatment program that seems like the best option at this point because I really don't want to be hospitalized and put in inpatient again, I have once in the past and was in for three and a half months and I really don't want to repeat that again but am at the end of my rope. I desperately need help and nobody realizes how bad it is.

Please if anyone has advice I can't keep doing this much longer I need something to change.

 

[discreetmadness]

I feel like i get it. i cant imagine continuing to keep going like this forever.
My friend has done ketamine treatments. For them they happened over a course of 6 weeks. They said that afterwards they felt like how they were when they were a child again, if that holds any value to you. If you live in the US, they are out of pocket expenses but you can get TMS (some sort of electroshock thing) covered by insurance.

 

[claracatchingthebus]

I am really really struggling right now, I feel like the time is coming that I just give up on everything. It is so painful to just exist and my ability to keep myself together in public is rapidly declining. I have been calling off of work at least one day a week for probably the past month and don't know how much longer I have it in me to keep going at all.

I was hoping to get my meds adjusted soon but my doctor told me she was not comfortable with doing big changes and referred me to a psychiatrist and I won't be able to get in for probably at least another month. My therapist gave me a couple recommendations for ketamine therapy which seems really promising but I feel like they'll want me to be a bit more stable before beginning if they even have appointments available soon anyway.

Last thing that my therapist is also looking into is a longer maybe month long therapy program. I am wondering if anyone here has experience with intensive therapy programs? Did they help? If I could get into some sort of mental health treatment program that seems like the best option at this point because I really don't want to be hospitalized and put in inpatient again, I have once in the past and was in for three and a half months and I really don't want to repeat that again but am at the end of my rope. I desperately need help and nobody realizes how bad it is.

Please if anyone has advice I can't keep doing this much longer I need something to change.

i think you should try them all. try to get the ketamine appointment right away, even if not stabilized, try to get the intensive therapy program, try to do the med change and hold out for that too

if you get hospitalized, in in-patient care, that also may automatically get you some time off from work, but it may be unpaid and maybe you need the pay

i'm sorry you are going through this, but it also seems like you have some full faint fight in you of wanting to get better, at least slightly, so keep fighting

if you can't fight anymore later, that will be okay too, but just keep trying, try anything, try everything...

try jogging if you can, try to reduce or eliminate carbs, keep pushing as much as you can to keep going if you can, or if you can't and aren't ready to attempt you could hospitalize yourself to get a faster med change, but just be aware of the costs and whether insurance will cover them if you are in a country that doesn't have free care

 

[collapsenik]

Hey, it sounds like you're fighting for yourself which is really admirable and means you're on the correct path .I agree with @claracatchingthebus , try anything, try everything. Maybe reach out for an organization that can help with the psychiatry, if there are any in your country. If it has any welfare/social support they might be able to help but I know it's getting rarer.
You have a future, please keep fighting for it!

 

[wishingonstars]

I feel like i get it. i cant imagine continuing to keep going like this forever.
My friend has done ketamine treatments. For them they happened over a course of 6 weeks. They said that afterwards they felt like how they were when they were a child again, if that holds any value to you. If you live in the US, they are out of pocket expenses but you can get TMS (some sort of electroshock thing) covered by insurance.

That's good to hear, I never really felt like a child as my trauma started incredibly early in life but I'm looking forward to knowing what that feels like, I hope it works like that for me too. I do live in the US and the cost is very high but I am willing to use my emergency savings on anything that will take away some of the pain and suffering.

i think you should try them all. try to get the ketamine appointment right away, even if not stabilized, try to get the intensive therapy program, try to do the med change and hold out for that too

if you get hospitalized, in in-patient care, that also may automatically get you some time off from work, but it may be unpaid and maybe you need the pay

i'm sorry you are going through this, but it also seems like you have some full faint fight in you of wanting to get better, at least slightly, so keep fighting

if you can't fight anymore later, that will be okay too, but just keep trying, try anything, try everything...

try jogging if you can, try to reduce or eliminate carbs, keep pushing as much as you can to keep going if you can, or if you can't and aren't ready to attempt you could hospitalize yourself to get a faster med change, but just be aware of the costs and whether insurance will cover them if you are in a country that doesn't have free care

I am looking into some shorter in-patient programs that last around 30 days, I think I could manage that amount of missed work/pay. It would be hard but I have some emergency savings and hopefully will be able to find a place that my insurance covers completely although that might be asking too much.

I have not gotten a response back from the ketamine place I reached out to but hopefully will soon :/

I am already active because of work and can't afford to lose weight so can't really eliminate carbs, honestly just getting anything down is hard, my appetite has almost gone away it's a chore to force myself to eat I still do but it's so much effort sometimes.

And yeah I'm trying to fight, really only because I don't want to hurt my family/close friends so I'm doing my best, sometimes I wish I had no one because then my decision would be easy but I'm also very grateful that I have supports and people who care. It's a double edged sword.

Thanks for taking the time to respond so thoroughly

Hey, it sounds like you're fighting for yourself which is really admirable and means you're on the correct path .I agree with @claracatchingthebus , try anything, try everything. Maybe reach out for an organization that can help with the psychiatry, if there are any in your country. If it has any welfare/social support they might be able to help but I know it's getting rarer.
You have a future, please keep fighting for it!

Thank you, I'm not sure I believe I have a future right now but I am trying to fight as if I do and I hope you are right. I don't really think welfare exists in the US at least not the way it does in some other countries, everything is private companies even the vast majority of hospitals. I was able to set up an appointment with a psychiatrist for mid September though so if I can just hold out for that hopefully things will improve.

 

[claracatchingthebus]

That's good to hear, I never really felt like a child as my trauma started incredibly early in life but I'm looking forward to knowing what that feels like, I hope it works like that for me too. I do live in the US and the cost is very high but I am willing to use my emergency savings on anything that will take away some of the pain and suffering.

I am looking into some shorter in-patient programs that last around 30 days, I think I could manage that amount of missed work/pay. It would be hard but I have some emergency savings and hopefully will be able to find a place that my insurance covers completely although that might be asking too much.

I have not gotten a response back from the ketamine place I reached out to but hopefully will soon :/

I am already active because of work and can't afford to lose weight so can't really eliminate carbs, honestly just getting anything down is hard, my appetite has almost gone away it's a chore to force myself to eat I still do but it's so much effort sometimes.

And yeah I'm trying to fight, really only because I don't want to hurt my family/close friends so I'm doing my best, sometimes I wish I had no one because then my decision would be easy but I'm also very grateful that I have supports and people who care. It's a double edged sword.

Thanks for taking the time to respond so thoroughly

Thank you, I'm not sure I believe I have a future right now but I am trying to fight as if I do and I hope you are right. I don't really think welfare exists in the US at least not the way it does in some other countries, everything is private companies even the vast majority of hospitals. I was able to set up an appointment with a psychiatrist for mid September though so if I can just hold out for that hopefully things will improve.

i mean try jogging or try reducing carbs not because of weight but because sometimes people's depression improves with both. sometimes an anti-inflammatory diet helps,or someone is actually allergic to gluten and doesn't know. it wasn't supposed to be a weight thing. if you are thin, perhaps it's better not to do either thing, but also make sure you're getting enough vitamins and minerals if you're really thin.

i'm glad you're going to keep trying. i hope things improve.

 

[discreetmadness]

i mean try jogging or try reducing carbs not because of weight but because sometimes people's depression improves with both. sometimes an anti-inflammatory diet helps,or someone is actually allergic to gluten and doesn't know. it wasn't supposed to be a weight thing. if you are thin, perhaps it's better not to do either thing, but also make sure you're getting enough vitamins and minerals if you're really thin.

i'm glad you're going to keep trying. i hope things improve.

I'm not trying to be mean because I know you have good intentions, but getting someone with depression to go jogging or eat differently is a monumental task when you're spending most of your awake time trying not to kill yourself. Maybe just think about your mindset for a bit

 

[wishingonstars]

i mean try jogging or try reducing carbs not because of weight but because sometimes people's depression improves with both. sometimes an anti-inflammatory diet helps,or someone is actually allergic to gluten and doesn't know. it wasn't supposed to be a weight thing. if you are thin, perhaps it's better not to do either thing, but also make sure you're getting enough vitamins and minerals if you're really thin.

i'm glad you're going to keep trying. i hope things improve.

I didn't think you meant it as a weight thing, I know improving my diet would probably help and carbs are inflammatory. That is just the main reason it wouldn't be doable for me. Also as discreetmadness said improving my diet right now is a monumental task I don't have the energy for. I still appreciate the suggestion though, my doctor has told me to reduce sugar intake and eat more protein and fat but yeah currently getting out of bed and eating anything is an achievement. Exercising is definitely good, I can't jog because of asthma but I don't have a car so I walk a lot and I do work in the woods and there's a lot of hiking for that.