Hello guys it's me again. Hope you're all doing well for the most part. I know i said i would be off the forum like ages ago but I am slowly getting to it. When I get attached to something that is constantly changing I get a fear of missing out and keep coming back soo hence why I am still here haha.
I want to share something with you guys. So I believe in God and I am not one of those crazy religious people who hate sinners and think everyone deserves to be punished its quite the opposite actually because I am sinner just like each and every one of us and it doesnt necessarily make me a bad person it just makes me human. Okay back to my main point, I think it was sometime last year I had a dream. A little back story is my family is into voodoo. I live on a estate with all of my family and they all have deep hatred and jealousy towards each other however they usually team with up each other to hate against my family which consists of my mom, grandmother and siblings. They use voodoo to make life extremely hard for us and i think they used it to fuck with my mind and make me suicidal.
Now about that dream, I had a dream that it was basically the rapture yk God coming down on earth and taking his people home. In the dream it was like I was being brought up into heaven with God but suddenly I started floating backwards and coming down to earth. There wasnt any talking in the dream but I knew in the dream that this was God telling me that I should stay on earth as I haven't fulfilled my purpose and he wasn't ready for me to be with him.
Also another thing is when I was 16, I ingested some sort of Pesticides for plants. I didnt drink enough to kill me but I started coughing alot and I immediately called my sister and I just said "I drank it". She immediately started screaming "what did you drink?" But I kept silent and she hung up the phone and came to my house straight away (we lived separately). I was then admitted to the hospital. My mom came to visit me and coincidentally she found a chruch sister at the very same hospital visiting another person. (This chruch sister previously came to my house to speak to me about my suicidal thoughts etc) she saw me in the bed and she told me that God cared so much for me because he sent her there as a sign to show me that he was always there and I believed her.
These were just a few of the many times that God has showed up for me. Every time I pray I feel such comfort and such peace it's amazing. Now I know alot of you guys think that God doesnt exist or if he doesnt he obviously doesnt love you and I think its furthest from the truth. Alot of people in the bible struggled with suicidal thoughts, with feelings of giving up but they never did. I dont really understand alot of the bible but I remember them always praying to God and asking him for strength. I know everything looks impossible but God has a way of making the impossible possible.
Please give him your last shot and really try. Its not about being religious but having a relationship with God. Life sucks but its sucks less with God, now during ur walk with God your gonna get some hard times for sure, i get them and i dont know how to explain it but i got over them. Also i am bit of a pro lifeist idk if thats a word but not in a weird way, I dont want you to stay in the world just so I can feel better but I dont want you to end ur life because of messed up people or a messed up life. The pain u endure now won't compare to the joy of heaven, where there's no pain, u won't even remember those who hurt you. You won't ever have to worry about money or anything. Just peace. God can give u this okay but u just gotta endure this for a little while longer I know you dont want to but push through please.
Also i love you all sooooooo much. I dont know any of you guys but I have such love in my heart towards you guys its the craziest thing to explain. Heck i am even enduring a whole lot of pain for the purpose of hopefully helping people like you guys, whether its people struggling with suicidal thoughts or just people who are physically ill. I really hope I can be able to take care of people in the future. When I was in the hospital I was taking care of this old lady that had a stroke because her bed was beside mine. I fed her my food and I made phone calls for her to her family. It was great, she also gave good advice telling me i was very young and that I shouldn't end it. I hope someone took the time out to read this and I hope i brought some sort of hope im gonna leave a few bibles verses with you guys in case if you are wondering where to start with God.
Philippians 4:6–7 (NLT):
6 Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Romans 8:39 (NLT):
39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Psalm 56:8 (NLT):
8 You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
Psalm 34:17
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. Even your secret thoughts are heard by the Lord when you are too still to speak
Psalm 33:20-22 - We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in you alone.
I want to share something with you guys. So I believe in God and I am not one of those crazy religious people who hate sinners and think everyone deserves to be punished its quite the opposite actually because I am sinner just like each and every one of us and it doesnt necessarily make me a bad person it just makes me human. Okay back to my main point, I think it was sometime last year I had a dream. A little back story is my family is into voodoo. I live on a estate with all of my family and they all have deep hatred and jealousy towards each other however they usually team with up each other to hate against my family which consists of my mom, grandmother and siblings. They use voodoo to make life extremely hard for us and i think they used it to fuck with my mind and make me suicidal.
Now about that dream, I had a dream that it was basically the rapture yk God coming down on earth and taking his people home. In the dream it was like I was being brought up into heaven with God but suddenly I started floating backwards and coming down to earth. There wasnt any talking in the dream but I knew in the dream that this was God telling me that I should stay on earth as I haven't fulfilled my purpose and he wasn't ready for me to be with him.
Also another thing is when I was 16, I ingested some sort of Pesticides for plants. I didnt drink enough to kill me but I started coughing alot and I immediately called my sister and I just said "I drank it". She immediately started screaming "what did you drink?" But I kept silent and she hung up the phone and came to my house straight away (we lived separately). I was then admitted to the hospital. My mom came to visit me and coincidentally she found a chruch sister at the very same hospital visiting another person. (This chruch sister previously came to my house to speak to me about my suicidal thoughts etc) she saw me in the bed and she told me that God cared so much for me because he sent her there as a sign to show me that he was always there and I believed her.
These were just a few of the many times that God has showed up for me. Every time I pray I feel such comfort and such peace it's amazing. Now I know alot of you guys think that God doesnt exist or if he doesnt he obviously doesnt love you and I think its furthest from the truth. Alot of people in the bible struggled with suicidal thoughts, with feelings of giving up but they never did. I dont really understand alot of the bible but I remember them always praying to God and asking him for strength. I know everything looks impossible but God has a way of making the impossible possible.
Please give him your last shot and really try. Its not about being religious but having a relationship with God. Life sucks but its sucks less with God, now during ur walk with God your gonna get some hard times for sure, i get them and i dont know how to explain it but i got over them. Also i am bit of a pro lifeist idk if thats a word but not in a weird way, I dont want you to stay in the world just so I can feel better but I dont want you to end ur life because of messed up people or a messed up life. The pain u endure now won't compare to the joy of heaven, where there's no pain, u won't even remember those who hurt you. You won't ever have to worry about money or anything. Just peace. God can give u this okay but u just gotta endure this for a little while longer I know you dont want to but push through please.
Also i love you all sooooooo much. I dont know any of you guys but I have such love in my heart towards you guys its the craziest thing to explain. Heck i am even enduring a whole lot of pain for the purpose of hopefully helping people like you guys, whether its people struggling with suicidal thoughts or just people who are physically ill. I really hope I can be able to take care of people in the future. When I was in the hospital I was taking care of this old lady that had a stroke because her bed was beside mine. I fed her my food and I made phone calls for her to her family. It was great, she also gave good advice telling me i was very young and that I shouldn't end it. I hope someone took the time out to read this and I hope i brought some sort of hope im gonna leave a few bibles verses with you guys in case if you are wondering where to start with God.
Philippians 4:6–7 (NLT):
6 Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Romans 8:39 (NLT):
39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Psalm 56:8 (NLT):
8 You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
Psalm 34:17
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. Even your secret thoughts are heard by the Lord when you are too still to speak
Psalm 33:20-22 - We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in you alone.
