• ⚠️ UK Access Block Notice: Beginning July 1, 2025, this site will no longer be accessible from the United Kingdom. This is a voluntary decision made by the site's administrators. We were not forced or ordered to implement this block. If you're located in the UK, we recommend using a VPN to maintain access.

listless

listless

wandering
Mar 1, 2023
36
havent been here in a while. havent been this depressed in a while i suppose. life feels hopeless again. i feel like such a worthless fuck up. living back with my parents after i got away from my horrible ex boyfriend. i should be happy because i have a roof over my head and friends and a new partner but they all live far away. i feel so fucking lonely all the time. i get bitter and jealous when my friends are being happy living together because it feels so fucking unfair that i have no one. and then i remember its because i dont deserve shit i dont work hard enough for anything i dont deserve fucking anything. im just a fucking mentally ill fuck up that cant fucking pull himself together. im doomed to be fucked up forever, useless forever. the other night i had a fleeting thought about how i dont even have my dog any more to force myself out of bed for. he died at 16 years old in april. i still miss him every day and am haunted by memories of his face when he was being put to sleep, feeling his warmth for the last time, thinking of all the things i wish i did differently. when im not remembering that, new trauma memories seem to surface every fucking day, memories of my ex, memories of horrible things ive lived through, memories of abusers and sexual assault and transphobia and fucking everything. it all leads to me just feeling like the most fucked up being on the planet. why cant i just be normal? fucking why? i want to cut myself so fucking bad and have been wanting to do it for hours now, fighting the urge, but i dont want to any more, at least then ill feel something. if im gonna be a fuck up, might as well commit, right?
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: L9my, mint_parfait, needthebus and 2 others
listless

listless

wandering
Mar 1, 2023
36
i hope my abusers are fucking happy. they ruined me forever.
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: mint_parfait, divinemistress36, notreallybored and 1 other person

Similar threads

farewell_to_my_mask
Replies
1
Views
96
Suicide Discussion
FuneralCry
FuneralCry
jellyduck
Replies
2
Views
170
Suicide Discussion
jellyduck
jellyduck
P
Replies
1
Views
78
Suicide Discussion
FuneralCry
FuneralCry
T
Replies
3
Views
250
Suicide Discussion
thoughtitwouldbedif
T
moodrings
Replies
1
Views
145
Suicide Discussion
nowherelilies
nowherelilies