Story Had a euphoric dream. I think God gave me permission to die.

[miulake]

I almost never dream. Since adulthood I can barely remember dreaming a handful of times, and in the last 10 yrs, none!!
I have been suicidal for the last few years due to health reasons. Last week I was under so much stress that I cut myself with a long knife. Sliced all over my arms, stomach and legs. Bled like crazy all night long and turned my bedsheet and mattress and floor Red. I never thought I would do such a thing since I always thought cutting oneself to be "overdramatic" since it almost never results in death. But I was faced with so much social abuse and pressure due to my condition that ended up doing it anyways.
It's like I could feel the dam of my cortisol tolerance collapsing.

2 days ago I made my first serious attempt to CTB via partial hanging. SI kicked in, I started to flail around and my necktie snapped!
But for those few moments I really felt like this was it. There was such a rush of emotions in my brain!

Then yesterday night I had a Dream!!
In the dream I was back at my university for some reason. It was a nice sunny day and I was literally able to leap over the univ buildings. I felt so light, so happy, leaping high up with each step I took, bidding my college friends goodbye, laughing and frolicking around.
When I finally woke up after the long dream I was,
1. surprised because I had a dream! I never have dreams, and
2. I felt like it was God's way of telling me that,
it was okay. I am free to leave this world and all will be forgiven.

I have been feeling relaxed since then and am preparing to make my next attempt.

 

[GoSan1]

Was in the same situation like you today, for years haven't had real dreams and forgot most of them. Got a dream which was short but peaceful, of me dying.

Funny enough, I had a breakdown about if I can really end myself and prayed for a sign. Think this was it from God.

Will make a post after work but interesting to see others had it too and took it the same way!

 

[Bellt]

Sounds more like the Devil in disguise to me

 

[JustSomeWeirdo]

I almost never dream. Since adulthood I can barely remember dreaming a handful of times, and in the last 10 yrs, none!!
I have been suicidal for the last few years due to health reasons. Last week I was under so much stress that I cut myself with a long knife. Sliced all over my arms, stomach and legs. Bled like crazy all night long and turned my bedsheet and mattress and floor Red. I never thought I would do such a thing since I always thought cutting oneself to be "overdramatic" since it almost never results in death. But I was faced with so much social abuse and pressure due to my condition that ended up doing it anyways.
It's like I could feel the dam of my cortisol tolerance collapsing.

2 days ago I made my first serious attempt to CTB via partial hanging. SI kicked in, I started to flail around and my necktie snapped!
But for those few moments I really felt like this was it. There was such a rush of emotions in my brain!

Then yesterday night I had a Dream!!
In the dream I was back at my university for some reason. It was a nice sunny day and I was literally able to leap over the univ buildings. I felt so light, so happy, leaping high up with each step I took, bidding my college friends goodbye, laughing and frolicking around.
When I finally woke up after the long dream I was,
1. surprised because I had a dream! I never have dreams, and
2. I felt like it was God's way of telling me that,
it was okay. I am free to leave this world and all will be forgiven.

I have been feeling relaxed since then and am preparing to make my next attempt.

I've had those types of dreams twice now.

 

[divinemistress36]

What a beautiful dream