Guilt of leaving them behind

[Mx_Pathetic]

Why does the guilt of leaving the people I love in such a destructive way, make it harder for me to do it? I want this so badly. But the idea of any of them being..so broken that I'd be risking the chance that they do it themselves, scares me. It's not like I can stop being friends with my friends or stop being family to my family. One way or another they'd get hurt. I wish I didn't know them….i wish they left willing or hated me. It would make this whole situation so much more easier.

 

[failedmind]

I know the feeling. My mom recently cried to me about how much me CTB would destroy her and I know it would. We're best friends and rely on each other a lot. She's the only reason I'm still alive. But, my life has gotten to the point where I'm hurting too much and even though I know I will hurt her and possibly others, I have to do this for myself. I cannot keep suffering. I can't keep waking up crying every morning and not being able to take care of myself or function because of how depressed I am. I think maybe its just accepting that it's going to hurt them but there's nothing I can do about it, you know? I'm going to write letters ensuring her that its not her fault and theres nothing she could have done to save me, but at the end of the day, it's still going to hurt them and I'm still going to feel guilty, but I have to make this decision for myself, if that makes sense. I'm sorry youre suffering too

 

[fairygirl184]

i feel this so hard. one of my closest friends just lost their dad really really unexpectedly, which doesn't help with the guilt. sending love to you

 

[Mx_Pathetic]

I know the feeling. My mom recently cried to me about how much me CTB would destroy her and I know it would. We're best friends and rely on each other a lot. She's the only reason I'm still alive. But, my life has gotten to the point where I'm hurting too much and even though I know I will hurt her and possibly others, I have to do this for myself. I cannot keep suffering. I can't keep waking up crying every morning and not being able to take care of myself or function because of how depressed I am. I think maybe its just accepting that it's going to hurt them but there's nothing I can do about it, you know? I'm going to write letters ensuring her that its not her fault and theres nothing she could have done to save me, but at the end of the day, it's still going to hurt them and I'm still going to feel guilty, but I have to make this decision for myself, if that makes sense. I'm sorry youre suffering too

I agree. Even though I know in the end I'll hurt them. It's to much for me. 15 years of suffering and 4 years of not being able to look after myself or live a functioning life. It's unbearable… I want to do letters. But they already know that I've wanted this since I was 7-8. They know it's not their fault and that they've done everything they can. So what left is there to say really. Sorry you're suffering to

 

[failedmind]

I agree. Even though I know in the end I'll hurt them. It's to much for me. 15 years of suffering and 4 years of not being able to look after myself or live a functioning life. It's unbearable… I want to do letters. But they already know that I've wanted this since I was 7-8. They know it's not their fault and that they've done everything they can. So what left is there to say really. Sorry you're suffering to

I understand that for sure. I debate on letters sometimes too. My family is also aware that I've been depressed/suicidal for the past 15 years. Theyre even to the point where they've said they don't know what to do for/with me anymore so I guess thats that. I understand and I'm sorry