Story Guilt and shame

[mini_weeny]

I have struggled for many years with an autoimmune disease, in 2019 after taking some home brewed probiotics I got violently ill and terribly affected my health, my mental health followed in part also from having stopped Prozac a few months before, it all ended in a breakdown and downward spiral with me having suicidal thoughts, and so thinking that my health would deteriorate more I got hold of a gun and in one of those days of being out of my mind I handled it and it went off, the noise totally destroyed my ears causing me tinnitus and hyperacusis, now the real permanent damage was done, since then my life has been the worst hell imaginable, all sounds above 30dbs hurt so much and I am forced to live in eternal lockdown , can only go out for Drs apps. My life is ruined for real and I'm really dead just still alive. None of this would have happened if I hadn't had suicidal thoughts to begin with. Now the guilt and shame are consuming me and wish I could just die. Maybe we should be careful when we are suicidal as we might end up pretty injured or worse completely disabled like me. I wouldn't be here if I had been more positive or if I had gotten the help I needed, I only wish happiness to come back to my life ... and yours too. May we see again the light we so desperately need. Are guilt and shame consuming you too?

 

[Wrennie]

I irreversibly damaged myself in a suicide attempt too. It only further cemented my resolve to die, but a part of me wonders whether I would've eventually overcame those feelings if I hadn't jumped in the first place. Now I'll never know, and what I've done to my body has set my fate in stone.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're suffering from hyperacusis. My younger brother got it from Lyme disease and it's a horrific condition to be afflicted with. I was doing some research for him and apparently there's a promising new surgery for it performed by this one doctor in Florida. His website is earsinus.com, if you're interested.

 

[mini_weeny]

I irreversibly damaged myself in a suicide attempt too. It only further cemented my resolve to die, but a part of me wonders whether I would've eventually overcame those feelings if I hadn't jumped in the first place. Now I'll never know, and what I've done to my body has set my fate in stone.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're suffering from hyperacusis. My younger brother got it from Lyme disease and it's a horrific condition to be afflicted with. I was doing some research for him and apparently there's a promising new surgery for it performed by this one doctor in Florida. His website is earsinus.com, if you're interested.

Hi, so sorry to hear you got injured too, it's really unfortunate that we just made things worse but many of these demons we carry in our heads are really not our fault.

Yes, I've heard about this surgery mainly from the Facebook group Hyperacusis Research, however mine is too severe and it seems to only work for mild cases. For the rest of us there's just misery and horror 24/7. So, I guess that only leaves the option of assisted suicide since after getting injured it's really imposible to cbt by one's own hand.
I wish you luck and healing for both of you and may life bring us only good things.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm sorry to hear your experience.
I wasn't "Injured" exactly my mind is going crazy. Anxiety kills me is I don't take my meds.
Regrets, also, are torturing me. I really want to change my past an be a more decent human being but I just can't.
CTB in on my mind 24/7. Don't know how long I'll last here.

Anyway, wish you the best and hope you can be at peace.