Got my SN, serious SI, please help

[harkio_nibu]

Hello,

New member here. Just got my SN from Stan's post. Now suffering from serious SI, seems like being stuck between life and death. Still need to plan a few small details. I had been thinking about the bus for a few years now suffering from depression but never found the right painless method, until got to know of SN recently.

Wondering if anyone is going through or has gone through the same ?

Thank you !

 

[BipolarGuy]

Hello, and welcome to 'SS'.

I would hope that nobody on this forum would guide you on committing suicide.
Certainly I'm not going to.

How come you're feeling like this?

 

[theguineapigking]

Hey. Welcome to the forum!


Yeah, I know what you mean. I've had sn since around april. I was going to partial hang before that. I never even attempted any method(I got close though). I'm not only terrified to die, due to si, but I'm mostly scared to leave my family. It makes it so hard. I think what you're going though is something that most of us are as well. It's hard to overcome si in most cases. Especially if it's si combined with love for friends or family.


I think you should take it one step at a time. I believe that you'll know when the time is 'right'.
Do you have a date in mind?

I sincerely wish you the best in the meantime. We're here for you dude!

 

[Lilacmoon]

Welcome. Sorry you're here, but hopefully you being here provides a little bit of comfort for the time being. That sounds rough, SI struggles is something we all can relate with. A lot of people fight with SI when attempting only to back out or delay their plans. No shame if you end up doing it. Have a hug?

 

[I want to end it]

I don't think SN is completely painless. There's discomfort and some people have reported some pain. People's experiences seem to vary quite a lot with it.

I can't help with SI :( I've been here 2 and a half years and not done it yet.

 

[Zyntkalla]

I have gone through some of what you are going through. What always help me was when I look at the positives and negatives. Like what makes me happy to be here and what doesn't make me happy to be here. And I find for myself is that I have more negative things then positive things, and the negative things always makes me what to CTB sooner than later. And what I mean by that I get a strong urge to do it. Hope it helps.

And my I ask do you just have depression or do you have more then just depression? If you do have just depression I think you can make it through this. But it is your choice to do what you want. And I am not trying to be rude or anything. I am just a bit curious at the moment.

 

[harkio_nibu]

Thank you all for the kind words, the warm welcome, and your comments, definitely gave me some things to think about. I'm so glad to have found this forum where folks are so supportive regardless of our choices.
To answer some questions, I suffer from low self esteem, stress, shame, loneliness and isolation. I'm struggling at work because I just go to work and go home and don't get out at all because I am always alone and I feel lonely wherever I go. I was out of a job for some time and that was even harder. My life has come to work-eat-sleep-repeat all just to stay alive so I can do the same thing over again and the continue the cycle. Living like this is like being in a trap bound for failure at work and life.

My date is around December end, but I must quite my job before that because I don't want folks to come asking questions. My fear is what if I can't do it, then I'll be without a job, still alive and totally screwed. I'm also feeling like now that I have a way to CTB every day is a choice to live which feels empowering. But it's thoughts like these that make me think I'm not ready or serious enough to CTB right now. But CTB had been a very serious option for me for a long time before I actually found the way.

So that's my story.

I send all my love to everyone. My heart and my prayers are with you all.