From your previous post, I understand that hanging is your method, and it seems that most of your life you've been with someone who didn't appreciate you. I'm truly sorry for where all of the pain has led you. Your situation reminds me of a friend who was always in and out of toxic and abusive relationships, came to a point where everything got too much and instead of ctb, decided to turn things around and focus on himself. He was always the better one in the relationship and always ended up being most hurt.
Finally, he decided that only he himself can make him happy from inside and he let go of the toxic people and habits like drinking as a coping mechanism. He started seeing things from another perspective and put himself first, rather than the other person. He ended up appreciating life and all the simple things and worked to get himself out of a deep depression. I'm not saying that your situation is exactly the same, it just reminded me of someone dear to me, who was also in desperate need of help and managed to get out of a downward spiral. I just thought to share this with you. Not everyone is abusive, maybe sometimes we just need to find our own strong person inside, so that we don't become the victim all the time. I wish you all the best and I'm sending you love with the hope that you can find calmness and time to reflect.