SchrodingerIsDed
Arcanist
- Feb 17, 2025
- 418
So I just didn't follow the proper directions for the aquarium test. I used far too much sn which gave me improper results.
Purity test comes back pure as hell. 99% for sure.
Now I'm terrified again! Yaaaay! :) Death feels real now.
Big thanks to @locked*n*loaded and @Intoxicated for their assistance with purity testing.
The sugar test was not only fun, but was a super simple and direct way to tell that I was (probably) dealing with sn.
The blood test went well, I think, but feedback on whether this looks right would be great. Within 2 seconds this is the result:
I even went to greater lengths to do another melting point test, but that was inconclusive. I used the same capillary tube and powder sample as the previous test, so this may have skewed my results. But I don't think it's necessary at this point.
I still have to source meto. But after that....Fuck. I don't want to die. But it's a warzone in my head, non-stop. Everyone is trying to merc me. Or chop me up. I guess it's the PTSD. Everything is killing and death, and I can't even just breathe without feeling like a sniper has his sights on me. Every single day I walk outside, I'm walking into what my brain keeps telling me is a killing field. Seeing people die when I was a teenager in some brutal ways just fucked me up so bad. Not to mention the suffering from my dad raping me recently and all throughout my childhood, the fucking prick.
Every time I go out, it's just like walking out onto a real battlefield with bullets and bombs and enemies everywhere, except not just a battlefield--a battlefield where I'm behind enemy lines, always. I can't take it.
But I also know I have real, powerful enemies, on top. If it were just my brain, that would be one thing. But having it inflamed by resourceful enemies makes it a no brainer. I have to die.
I might be crazy, but I'm not crazy!
But the world has always been war. Nothing but war. Every single thing is war. I did my fighting, mostly against my own instincts and my own death drive. And I won. The hilarious part is when I won, that's when I die. So funny. But I can rest easy knowing that I claimed victory over myself. The world can never be beat, not really. It takes us all, in the end. I fought the best I could for as long as I could. I have to let go and let others carry on the fight without me.
But I know it's not going to be easy. All it is is taking one sip. That's all it is, right. But it's so much more. The bell tolls. But when she tolls, I still don't know.
Purity test comes back pure as hell. 99% for sure.
Now I'm terrified again! Yaaaay! :) Death feels real now.
Big thanks to @locked*n*loaded and @Intoxicated for their assistance with purity testing.
The sugar test was not only fun, but was a super simple and direct way to tell that I was (probably) dealing with sn.
The blood test went well, I think, but feedback on whether this looks right would be great. Within 2 seconds this is the result:
I even went to greater lengths to do another melting point test, but that was inconclusive. I used the same capillary tube and powder sample as the previous test, so this may have skewed my results. But I don't think it's necessary at this point.
I still have to source meto. But after that....Fuck. I don't want to die. But it's a warzone in my head, non-stop. Everyone is trying to merc me. Or chop me up. I guess it's the PTSD. Everything is killing and death, and I can't even just breathe without feeling like a sniper has his sights on me. Every single day I walk outside, I'm walking into what my brain keeps telling me is a killing field. Seeing people die when I was a teenager in some brutal ways just fucked me up so bad. Not to mention the suffering from my dad raping me recently and all throughout my childhood, the fucking prick.
Every time I go out, it's just like walking out onto a real battlefield with bullets and bombs and enemies everywhere, except not just a battlefield--a battlefield where I'm behind enemy lines, always. I can't take it.
But I also know I have real, powerful enemies, on top. If it were just my brain, that would be one thing. But having it inflamed by resourceful enemies makes it a no brainer. I have to die.
I might be crazy, but I'm not crazy!
But the world has always been war. Nothing but war. Every single thing is war. I did my fighting, mostly against my own instincts and my own death drive. And I won. The hilarious part is when I won, that's when I die. So funny. But I can rest easy knowing that I claimed victory over myself. The world can never be beat, not really. It takes us all, in the end. I fought the best I could for as long as I could. I have to let go and let others carry on the fight without me.
But I know it's not going to be easy. All it is is taking one sip. That's all it is, right. But it's so much more. The bell tolls. But when she tolls, I still don't know.
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