NSFW God damn im ugly

[wuhwowthisis]

Started dating my boyfriend a bit ago, long time friend and shit and I knew had a crush on me for most of it. Kinda realized im gay whatever, but throughout it all I said was asexual and still am and my bf started crying saying how he couldnt stand the thought of anything sexual with me, hes says im cute and shit but thats about it, never like pretty or handsome so??? I know he jerks off to other fuckers and im mad chill with that but I couldnt tell if was telling me this cause like, too ugly for sexual shit but.
Also probably should say there is trauma, step mother did bullshit to me. And he knows that, but just hearing that he knows im asexual but just told me this now and he knows that I was only down for sex for his pleasure and that at most I was just kinda curious in a stupid way. So him telling me this like its a bad thing just has me confused.

Edit: should say I know theres trauma, step mother abused me sexually. I kinda knew that might be my last sexual encounter, wasnt really big into anything sexual but I would like for my record in my head to be a bit straight. And also the fact that he just knew this whole 5 years of friendship "hey im asexual" and even in stupid convos ive said multiple times "I wouldnt be opposed for my partner" and he just tells me, and I accept that its alright but just he keeps saying he feels guilty which just at that point got me thinking since I said I felt more nb than man the day before but he still said he loved me the same?

 

[lionetta12]

Started dating my boyfriend a bit ago, long time friend and shit and I knew had a crush on me for most of it. Kinda realized im gay whatever, but throughout it all I said was asexual and still am and my bf started crying saying how he couldnt stand the thought of anything sexual with me, hes says im cute and shit but thats about it, never like pretty or handsome so??? I know he jerks off to other fuckers and im mad chill with that but I couldnt tell if was telling me this cause like, too ugly for sexual shit but.
Also probably should say there is trauma, step mother did bullshit to me. And he knows that, but just hearing that he knows im asexual but just told me this now and he knows that I was only down for sex for his pleasure and that at most I was just kinda curious in a stupid way. So him telling me this like its a bad thing just has me confused.

Edit: should say I know theres trauma, step mother abused me sexually. I kinda knew that might be my last sexual encounter, wasnt really big into anything sexual but I would like for my record in my head to be a bit straight. And also the fact that he just knew this whole 5 years of friendship "hey im asexual" and even in stupid convos ive said multiple times "I wouldnt be opposed for my partner" and he just tells me, and I accept that its alright but just he keeps saying he feels guilty which just at that point got me thinking since I said I felt more nb than man the day before but he still said he loved me the same?

Honestly this is my biggest fear, I'm getting so much work done on my appearance right now and I'm spending a lot of money on it to hopefully avoid anything like this ever happening to me in any future relationships. This didn't fully happen to me with my most recent ex, but he constantly shamed my appearance even though we had sex daily, often several times a day, no real issues there, just random horrible mean comments about my looks that didn't make sense or correlate logically with the sexual activity we had togheter, but it pretty much broke me down about my appearance. He was a narcissist and I know he probably said those things to me for no real reason and that it was just to ruin my confidence, to abuse me and keep me locked down because I wouldn't be confident enough to leave, but it still hurt. I feel so bad about how I look, I know it's not that bad and I got some nice desireable traits, but I'm too scared of ever hearing things like that again or having negative sexual experiences again with someone new, that I want to be fully prepared by making myself as attractive as I can be physically before I ever enter a new relationship. I'm sorry you had to hear that from your partner and friend, I know how awful it's like to randomly hear such a thing and I'm sorry for the confusion you must be feeling and going through.

I also went through same kind of abuse from my step family and so I know how extra difficult that makes sexual interactions feel too, that + the appearance thing just make me overly vulnerable, uncomfortable and scared of having sex again with someone I don't know, or even with someone I do know as a long time friend.

 

[wr3ck3d]

My partner is in this boat too sadly. He's been abused by his step father and now he finds sex traumatic, but we do have sex... 2-3 times a year. I feel like I'm trying to show that I am available whenever he's ready, but maybe I'm pushing it a bit too much at times. I do masturbate on a daily basis though, that is my need and he respects and understands that. I don't think he is mad about that. He also consider himself ugly, because of his depression he went through rapid gain and loss of weight in a short amount of type and traces of cuts left marks behind. Regardless of what I say I cannot convince him to accept his body.

Sometimes I feel that he doesn't want to change, that he doesn't want to get better, that he just wishes for everything to end instead if trying to get better, but I know he's strong and he won't give up that easily. And I? I don't know how to help. Words don't seem to do anything. He came up with the idea of doing a surgery, but he tossed the idea when I offered to save money for it. I barely convinced him to go to a doctor after one year since he's been to one, he probably won't tell me anything of what happened there.

I think I'm trying to be as supportive as I can, but if you have any ideas of what I can do let me know.