iitssam
Zest jester
- Mar 27, 2026
- 5
I just want to vent, I've been sobbing for the past two hours and just need to get it out there.
I'm NEET, I don't care to get a job, I'm a disgusting slob, my brother life mogs me in every way. I don't care about anything except for drugs. I've overdosed 3x in less than a year because of Benadryl abuse. My parents took it from me, as well as weed and shrooms that I had in my room which they refused to pay me back for. (Over $200 gone.)
Because of the drug abuse I'm not allowed to be home alone. I've been sober for a few weeks, since I have no drugs I've been going back to my other bad coping mechanism which is binging. Gaining so much weight, I used to be a really lean and muscular gymbro, I still force myself to do cardio and go to the gym because I hate my body, but the eating overtakes that big time, I have a gut now and my face is pretty big.
I have this feeling deep in my gut that it will be over soon. I had a therapy appointment today and my therapist sided with me that it's not fair of my parents to just take everything away and except me to know how to have healthy coping mechanisms. Weed and shrooms definitely helped me, when they originally took those, it's why I turned to Benadryl.
I told my mom I didn't want to come to easter brunch with our family, and she said I'm not allowed to not come. I exploded and told her I feel suffocated, and that I battle with constant paranoia (I'm schizoaffective and get rlly vivid hallucinations.) of not knowing what's real, and that my mind is tormenting me all the time.
My mom told me I probably am seeing demons and to call on God to cast them out and that they will come for me when I'm alone. I believe in God, I pray, I think I'm psychic, but she got me thinking that maybe these aren't hallucinations and that they're real demons.
I told her I'm 20 and can stay home from easter if I want to, and she said, "our house our rules. When you were in the hospital for your overdose they tried to petition you to stay but we told them no, so you have to be with us all the time." Which felt like a threat. She continued and said, "and the next step is honestly gonna be to take your bedroom door off the hinges."
I'm here now just paranoid as hell, sobbing because death feels like the only way out. Again, all I want is drugs. Don't care about finding a job. No motivation.
I'm NEET, I don't care to get a job, I'm a disgusting slob, my brother life mogs me in every way. I don't care about anything except for drugs. I've overdosed 3x in less than a year because of Benadryl abuse. My parents took it from me, as well as weed and shrooms that I had in my room which they refused to pay me back for. (Over $200 gone.)
Because of the drug abuse I'm not allowed to be home alone. I've been sober for a few weeks, since I have no drugs I've been going back to my other bad coping mechanism which is binging. Gaining so much weight, I used to be a really lean and muscular gymbro, I still force myself to do cardio and go to the gym because I hate my body, but the eating overtakes that big time, I have a gut now and my face is pretty big.
I have this feeling deep in my gut that it will be over soon. I had a therapy appointment today and my therapist sided with me that it's not fair of my parents to just take everything away and except me to know how to have healthy coping mechanisms. Weed and shrooms definitely helped me, when they originally took those, it's why I turned to Benadryl.
I told my mom I didn't want to come to easter brunch with our family, and she said I'm not allowed to not come. I exploded and told her I feel suffocated, and that I battle with constant paranoia (I'm schizoaffective and get rlly vivid hallucinations.) of not knowing what's real, and that my mind is tormenting me all the time.
My mom told me I probably am seeing demons and to call on God to cast them out and that they will come for me when I'm alone. I believe in God, I pray, I think I'm psychic, but she got me thinking that maybe these aren't hallucinations and that they're real demons.
I told her I'm 20 and can stay home from easter if I want to, and she said, "our house our rules. When you were in the hospital for your overdose they tried to petition you to stay but we told them no, so you have to be with us all the time." Which felt like a threat. She continued and said, "and the next step is honestly gonna be to take your bedroom door off the hinges."
I'm here now just paranoid as hell, sobbing because death feels like the only way out. Again, all I want is drugs. Don't care about finding a job. No motivation.
